Thursday, January 19, 2006

Canine Taco Bell

I think my parents feed their dogs Taco Bell. Well, one of them at least.

Dog flatulence is nothing new in our society, and not that any flatulence is 'good' smelling, but historically, animal flatulence is pretty bad. If you've ever owned a dog or a cat, you've blamed one of your bombs on the animal. You know you have, and you're never quite believed by everyone when you do blame an animal. Your farts don't smell bad enough to come from a quadruped, so stop blaming Spot.

Back to the fam. I stopped over at my parents house after work tonight to take a peek at my dad's laptop. He's having a driver issue that's jackin' up his laptop, and hoped that I could help him out. I trek on up to the office and begin to putz with the laptop. Beezer ( the 'new' dog that my parents have gotten ), came into visit me while I was working. My dad leaves to go pickup my brother, and Beezer stayed with me.

**A side note about Beezer - He's an old dog, like 10-12 years old. My parents have only had him for a few months. He was given up by his previous family ( asshats ), because of his age, and the fact that they were moving, and having another kid ( asshats shouldn't have a pet, let alone have a kid if they have that mentality ). My mom is part of the Lab Rescue Network ( they find homes for dogs like Beezer ), so instead of being a 'foster home' like she has for some dogs in the past, because of his age, they decided to keep Beezer.

Beezer's a big dog, for a lab. They also have two other labs, Shelby and PJ. End of side note**

So me and Beezer are hanging out, and after a few minutes, I hear what could only be described as the sound of air leaking out of a tire. An immediate mental red flag popped up, so despite the sound not quite fitting the profile of dog flatulence, I spun to look at Beezer. We've only been in the room for five minutes, but he's sound asleep. I give it a few seconds, as I brace for impact, but nothing happens. Confused about what I heard, I returned to my project at hand.

Then, in what seemed like slow motion, I notice Beezer slinking out of the room out of the corner of my eye, almost like he's trying not to be seen. Another mental red flag goes up.... but before I could run, cover my nose, scream, or even blink.....


I have never been sprayed with pepper spray, but this is only what I can imagine what it's like. It may have been that my eyes were watering so bad, but I swear I saw a green cloud in the room. I CANNOT even begin to fathom what that smell does to the sensitive noses of the dogs.

All three dogs eat the same brand of dog food, but I think secretly, they're feeding Beezer some Taco Bell as part of the contract he signed to stay with my parents. He's a good dog, but OH MY GOD.

And you know, hindsight being what it is.... I think when I relive the events in my head, Beezer had a little grin on his face as he left the room. And for that, I love him. Cuz if I could drop bombs like that in the presence of my friends..... I'd be grinning too.

It was a horrible few moments of my life, but Beezer, I salute you and your internal organs. When I start to have a bad day, I'll reflect on the positive things in life, like not being in the same room as you after the 'rents have fed you Taco Bell.


At 11:23 AM, Blogger ptg said...

LOL. I actually had to leave the clinic because I was laughing so hard.

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Will said...

You seriously had nothing else to offer today?

I, actually, know exactly how you felt. It happened on a drive back from Happy Valley...

At 2:50 PM, Blogger Kuflax said...

Well, since no strippers came into the AC yesterday, yes, that was the most interesting part of my day. It was THAT bad that I felt the need to post on it. Next time I'll post about the absolute mundane 12 hours I spent at work. ;)

And I dunno if I'll post about the stripper, so ask me this weekend about it.

"Next time, warn a brother!! Oh, and by the way, I almost hit a dog." Good times in Happy Valley.

At 3:29 PM, Blogger Will said...

Oh that wasn't "in" Happy Valley, that was just the drive back!

At 12:40 PM, Blogger AlRo said...

BWAHAHAHAHA .. I love a good fart story!!!


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