Tuesday, May 08, 2007

There Is No F-U Big Enough

Fuck the Yankees.

Fuck ESPN.

And fuck Roger Clemens.

Baseball needs a salary cap, so Steinbrenner can stick his payroll up his ass.

ESPN needs to stop sucking the nuts off every good player, and start looking at the whole picture.

Roger Clemens needs to look this article here, and read the first rule. Being a primadonna sure makes you look like an ass, and embarrass yourself.

Clemens decided to come back and play baseball this year, making his announcement over the weekend at a Yankees game. THE SEASON is almost a fifth of the way in. He's going to get over four million dollars per month, for the rest of the season. He only has to work every sixth day. ONCE A WEEK. A million bucks per day of work. Fuck him.

But not because of the money he's making. I've said before, if you can get yo dolla' billz yo - you gots to go get 'em. A by-product of our society, and market economy. But there is something to be said for doing things the right way. Like getting your fat ass off the couch in JANUARY, and getting into playing shape... like joining your teammates in spring training... like being there when the regular season starts, and doing your job like everyone else.

Fuck him and his attitude. He's worked his contract so that he doesn't have to travel with the team when they go on the road, and he's not scheduled to pitch. This is not unlike his previous contracts ( which I should have raised holy hell about then, but now I'm in a salty mood tonight ), where other perks included; only having to pitch at home ( and not travel with the team at all ), private jet service for his family ( like he can't afford to pay for their travel, instead he wants the team to pay for it ). And God forbid he does have to travel, but it's also stipulated that he gets the 'penthouse' suite ( or 'presidential' suite, or whatever the fuck is the best room in the hotel ) all to himself, and doesn't have to have a roommate. He's even worked it out that while he's in the minor leagues getting into shape, he gets to be on his son's team. His son's team is a farm club for the Astros... NOT THE YANKEES!!

What an ass. The game is there for you to enjoy, not the other way around, fuckstick.

And for ESPN.... I don't even want to get into it too much... but if you read their article from above about Clemens.... did you notice this gem?
Clemens has been in such hot demand he has the luxury to not put his 44-year-old body through the extreme rigors of travel.


"Rigors of travel"???? Are you fucking kidding me? Professional athletes travel on modified jumbo jets, where everything is pimped out to first class. They're fed better food than you can imagine. They're driven to the airport, in a luxury coach bus. They stay in five star hotels. Clemens gets the best room in the fanciest hotel in town. The clubhouses have leather couches, flatscreen TVs, PS3s, and great food on demand.

"Rigors of travel"??? They don't travel by unicycle to the away games. No one denies them water on their intrepid journey. The equipment managers don't hand them umbrellas with holes in them as they tread on foot through the mountains, stopping to munch on pine cones, only to have to wipe their asses with branches from an evergreen tree.

Rigors of travel. I almost fell out of my chair.

I was having a really good day today. Can't you tell? I'm serious, I was. It was a take-the-world-by-the-balls kinda day today. The kind of day where you think there might be hope for human kind. Then I have to read some shit like this, and remember just how fucking stupid some things in this world are.


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