Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Insert Euphemism Here

I used to be a pole vaulter, and later on, a coach. Aside from the good jokes ( 'vaulters do it with a 15 foot stick - vaulters stick their big poles in the box - vaulters get high' ), vaulting was one of the best things I ever did in life. It was so much fun, and I miss it alot.

I got to vault some in college, and I coached after that, as a way to stay in the sport. There's really nothing like it. It requires quite the combination of speed, strength, kinesic awareness, stupidity, timing, and raw athletic skill - and makes for one HELL of an adrenaline rush.

Not that it helped me any at the time, but the chicks dig vaulters ( at least track girls anyway ). There's usually alot of down time at meets, and the girls would come watch the vaulters between their events. It helps that there's always a good chance that someone is gonna crash in very dramatic fashion while pole vaulting, and that alone makes it worth watching.

Vaulters tend to be a unique group, and many that never did it don't understand the 'bond'. My cousin Nick vaulted, so he may be the only one that gets all this. But that's okay, some other time I'll talk about the good times as a vaulter. For now, I'm just using that intro to vault as a segue for the Photoshop Contest I just did.

Again, for those that don't remember, runs 'Photoshop Contests', where they will usually give you an original image, and you use a photo editor to alter the picture to make it funny. Sometimes they run "themes", and you just go wild, but in this case, there was an original image, with the title "Photoshop this pole vaulter"

So I got excited, thinking it was a picture of a real pole vaulter. But nope. Instead, this was the original:

So the first thing that came to mind, was to make this kid an actual pole vaulter. For the record, this Photoshop is technically accurate, assuming the kid is left handed. It does actually make a difference in the sport what your dominant side is, and for the purposes of this pic, the kid would HAVE to be left handed.

Yes, I am a dork. But I'm a cool dork, cuz I can still vault. I might hurt myself cuz I haven't done it in 4 years, but anyway....

I miss jumping. There needs to be a semi-pro pole vaulting league somewhere. For a short (seven seconds) video of a pole vaulter in action, click here. This video shows a guy going over 17 feet, 4 inches (5.3 meters). There's a longer video here ( with a bored camerawoman catching a guy holding his nuts), where the guy takes a final attempt at 16 ft, 4 inches (5m). I'm not a big fan of how he flaps the left arm during his approach, but hey, he got a foot and a half higher than I ever did, so who am I to judge?


At 11:46 AM, Blogger clids32 said...

I can attest for Matt; vaulters are a unique bunch, that is, the good ones. Matt "falls" under the category of "non-talented" so he really doesn't apply. Ask him about the time we could have won the coaches relay at WA Hale, but Matt was being a wuss and had to pull out of the competition because of his flare up of vaginitis. Matt, no one wants to hear your come back-"I'm still faster than you" comment. What you fail to also mention is that I just finished running 6 miles for charity and you beat me by the length of your manhood-1 inch!!!!

At 2:53 PM, Blogger Kuflax said...


Do we have to go over this again?!?!?!?

I beat you in two seperate races.

The first, you had WALKED your six miles, and I was going to have knee surgery the following week, so it balanced out.

The second race, I beat you again, and you had NOT walked six miles before.

And the race was all of 40 meters... what freakin possible difference could your prior walk factor in????!?!?!1?1?

You seem to be pretty ornery on the web my friend... sounds like you need to have some alone time with Milo to calm you down some.

At 2:54 PM, Blogger Kuflax said...

And you lost that race cuz of Hands-On Hank, and you know it.

At 3:32 PM, Blogger clids32 said...

Stop telling lies. Admit it, you are slow and on those particular days, you used my disabilities to your advantage. It's not my fault you were a vaulter and never wanted to train like a sprinter.


Post a Comment

<< Home