Monday, November 14, 2005

This Just In

ESPN sucks.

When the hell did Donovan McNabb become "D-Nice"? Stu Scott, you HAVE to stop coming up with 'hoodnames' for every black player. He even called Jerome Bettis "J-Smooth" when going over highlights. First off, Jerome Bettis is "The Bus". It's been that way for almost a decade now. Everyone is okay with that nickname. I think it's pretty cool. No one, not even a cockeyed Sportscenter anchor can go and come up with new ones for Jerome Bettis, let alone anyone. And secondly, Jerome is tipping the scales over 275. I don't know that you can call a large black man, "Smooth", especially when he runs the way Jerome does. That's why they call him the "Bus".

And will someone please throw a rock through a window at ESPN with a note attached, telling them that T.O. isn't playing anymore? He didn't play last week, he's not playing this week, and the Eagles are saying he won't play the rest of the season.

The players ON the field affect the outcome of the games, so please, pretty please, with a cherry on top ESPN, just stick to reporting on the guys that might actually have something to do with winning or losing a game.

I'll even grant you one concession. As long as T.O. is suspended, you can mention him once per episode of Sportscenter. That mention shall go as follows:
Stu Scott:"In our T.O. update segment tonight, we go to John Clayton. John?"
John Clayton: "Thanks Stu. I'm actually over here Stu. No, the other way. Oh my fault, I thought you were looking at Berman. Anyway, T.O. is still at home. Back to you Stu."

When and if he returns, well, then all bets are off. I'd watch something else to get my sports scores, but we have no other alternative.

So in the meantime, we'll listen to Al talk about the spread (which I can bear), and hear John Madden ask where T.O. is tonight. Lucky us.


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