The Mumps?!?!?

Seriously, who the f*ck gets the mumps? Well, I might have. There's three viral infections (one of which being the mumps, and that's the most likely one) that have symptoms like I've got. So the doctor sent me home without much hope, cuz there's not much they can do.
Doctor: "Well, you're not going to like what I have to say, but there's nothing we can do, it should go away within 10 days. Unless your testicles double in size in the next week. Then you'll want to go to the emergency room."
Me: "Doc, mumps or not, if my testicles EVER double in size, I'm going to the emergency room."

My jaw is killin' me, and my face looks like I swallowed a helium canister. Good times.

The ibuprophen is helping, and she gave me a prescription for some Vicodin (no, you can't have any), but we'll save those bad boys for the meeting tomorrow.

They're gonna love it tomorrow when I tell everyone in the office that I was really contagious LAST WEEK, when I felt just fine. I'll get some pictures if everyone ends up with fat faces and are unable to move their jaws.

And yes, I did get a shot for this when I was a kid, so how did I still get this? I'm kinda pissed about that. And on top of it, I still will prolly get my annual cold/flu/bug/virus that I get every start to the winter anyway. Color me excited.