Friday, November 04, 2005

Open Mic

-gonna be a busy posting day, I can feel it

So I guess that Thursday was "If you're a paid athlete, you should say something REALLY f*cking stupid" day.

Terrell Owens was bitching about the fact that the Eagles didn't do anything to commerate his 100th TD reception. He said that had it been someone else, they would "have shot off fireworks around the stadium or something". What a horkin' tool. How is the 99th TD any different from the 100th? Where do you draw the line? Should receivers get fireworks for 50tds? What about the 125th? How bout you shut your overpaid f*cking trap, and do your job?

And then there's the newest Green Bay Packer. Jeremy Thornburg made quite a splash on Thursday when asked what position he played by a reporter.
"Free Safety. I have played strong safety alot too. I could prolly play corner, but I might be the wrong color."

Three guesses as to what 'color' Thornburg is.

He actually looks ALOT like my good buddy Tommy Eckl. Have a look for yourself.

We just got done with this a few days ago with the Fischer DeBerry mess. He got a pass because he's like 82 years old. It will be interesting to see how this one plays out.

And my last "Open Mic" entry comes from not an athlete, but the embodiment of a non-athlete, in Chris Berman of ESPN fame. Berman was doing some highlights that involved the World Series. He was talking about Paul Konerko, who had a grand slam in one of the WS games.

Berman was trying to explain the significance of the grand slam. See, Konerko had 40 home runs during the regular season, but none of which were grand slams. But that's not exactly what came out of 'Boomer's' mouth.

"This grand slam in the World Series is Konerko's first grand slam of the year, even though he had forty hummers during the regular season." About three min later in the highlight package, Berman sort of backtracked, saying;

"By the way, earlier, I meant homers." He was talking about football at that point, and prolly made it worse by the way late correction. I was still laughing at this point, thinking that there were guys in a truck somewhere saying, "Oh my God? What did he just say?"... and then yelling in his ear piece for him to correct it.

40 hummers for a pro baseball player? What do you think the over-under is on hummers for a MLB player over the course of a season? Pro basketball players tend to get a lot of tail, and some of them are down right UGLY. Baseball players travel more, so you'd have to factor that into the equation. If I wasn't actually going to have to do work at work later, I'd come up with a formula. Even the married ones still gotta be getting some for the amount of ching they pull in every year. More so than the Exxon guy from below.

Well, I feel better. I started off with a rant about T.O., and ended the conversation talking about hummers. All is well with the world.


At 2:29 PM, Blogger Will said...

This is a toughie. It's safe to assume that, like Jordan, pro players of all sports have "one in every port". Baseball players have more games overall, but I think they actually spend less time traveling than basketball players do. In my opinion baseball players would have more of an opportunity to get hummers from road-sluts than basketball players.

Baseball players spend more time away from home, and have more opportunity while on the road. For example a baseball team will play a roadtrip and spend a couple weeks traveling all over, but stay several nights in one place at a time (3 days in Cincy, day or two off, then 4 days in New York). Road trips for basketball teams involve constant travel. Games are held Tuesday through Sunday, with possibly two consecutive games on consecutives days in different cities (the Mavericks played Tuesday night in Phx, went double OT, then flew to Utah at 4 am to play Wednesday night, then left immediately to go back to Dallas). Plus basketball home stretches are always interrupted with single road games, which increases the amount of travel time and decreaes the time allotted for road-sluts.

I think you also have to consider the amount of energy used to play each sport. A famous pitcher (that isn't Roger Clemens) would travel with the team but not expend energy playing. Thus giving him more energy to slut hunt later that night. A famous, uninjured basketball player is runnning for a couple hours, burning up energy and possibly making him too tired for a hummer (I know this is speculation here, cause who could be too tired for a blowjob and its not like the "hunt" would need a lot of energy).

Then again, Boomer was talking about Kenerko. And who really gives a fuck about that guy anyway?


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