Wednesday, December 27, 2006

He Was Delicious

I wonder what Gerald Ford thought of that SNL piece when it aired. Funny stuff.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Shocking, I Tell You

Here's a copy of the media guide from Wichita State University. The athletic teams of WSU are called the "Shockers".

Click on the picture, and take note of the hand symbols the cheerleaders are making. This is not a photoshop. Someone else noticed this earlier this year, but I just came across this article now.


Friday, December 15, 2006

Safety Tips

  • Michigan lost to the first ever unanimous number one ranked team by only three points, and on the road no less. It was their only loss. I really don't like Michigan, and it kills me that I would argue for them to have a chance at the title. Playoffs???? Playoffs???? How can something so obvious not gain any traction? There's a TON of money to be made off a D1 playoff system. I don't get it.
  • I also don't get this trans-fat ban in NYC. Trans-fats aren't illegal. They're a substance approved by the FDA. So where do the law makers get off telling restaurants that they can't serve foods with trans-fats? How is it legal to make a law like that? You can't serve trans-fats in restaurants, but grocery stores can keep selling potato chips that are made with trans-fats?? I don't understand how one is legal and the other is not. If it's legal to make at home, why can't I pay a restaurant to cook it and serve it to me? And things are going that well in NYC that they have time to debate laws like this? Corruption, health plans, education problems are all fixed in NYC, and they had enough time to tackle this one? Makes me want to barf.
  • A NASCAR driver got hurt in a golf-cart accident. 4-6 weeks recovery time. Again. NASCAR driver, golf-cart accident. Sometimes, the humor just writes itself.
  • 65 days until pitchers and catchers report.
  • About 75 days until track starts again. Enjoy this wonderful video.
  • No, that never happened to me. Thank God too, or I would quit the sport.
  • I'm going to Hawaii in January. For everyone else, it will be January here in Wisconsin... and I will be having January in, well... Hawaii. And we're flying first class. As much as I enjoyed Vegas and South Bend, I think I'm about to find out what the REAL heaven on earth is like.
  • The NFL Network is going to show two college bowl games this season. "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" ( great commercial ). Time Warner doesn't carry the NFLN. I didn't put up a big stink about it yet, but don't f*ck with my bowl week. TW and NFLN better get this shit figured out pretty quick.

Short Safety Tips this time around. Happy Friday peeps.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Funniest Who's Line Ever

I don't know why I never posted this, but better late than never.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

COTB - Live At Five

***Instrumental Music***

***Fade from black to full lights***

Good evening to the sister city of Quahog, Milwaukee. I'm Tom Tucker with the Live At Five news. We apologize for the delay. Our intrepid executive producer does close work with the Blood Center of Wisconsin, and because of the tragic recent events, he has had an unpredictable schedule.

That's right Tom. Good evening, I'm Diane Simmons. The events that Tom mentioned is our lead story tonight. We go now to Badger Blogger, who's live on the scene, and has a full report.

This has been a major story here in Milwaukee. It's a good thing that we have such dedicated reporters keeping tabs on the situation, unlike my worthless co-host. You at home can't see, but she's not wearing matching shoes today. Nice one Diane. Now off to Ollie Williams with a check on the weather. How's the weather today Ollie?

It's F***ING COLD OUT!!!!

Thanks Ollie. At least our weatherman doesn't show up to work with alcohol on his breath, unlike some people that sit directly to my right. Speaking of the weather, we now go to Real Debate Wisconsin, who has some tips on how to cook out on the grill in this cold weather.

Well, Diane, I'm surprised you didn't star in that piece. A story about smoking some meat, being crazy, and being ice cold, all in one. Sounds right up your alley. We move on to some more serious issues, and this deals with government. We'd let Ollie report on this, but all he does is yell, so instead, we go now live to Sequence Inc, with a report on the recall momentum of Alderman McGee.

We move from local government, to a position that requires alot of stature, poise, and fortitude, qualities in which my colleague is lacking. I speak of the presidency, and those that are running for it. Happy Circumstance has a report that says the election might just be a bit more black and white than you think.

Well, I'm sure you know all about positions, eh Diane? We move on now to an editorial piece, which means Diane won't understand a bit of it. As a note to our viewers, this is usually when Diane goes and takes a break. By 'break', I mean goes off to the bathroom and does some blow. Here now with a discussion on Liberalism, is Nick.

You know, Tom, at least you can rest assured that I won't mention what you go in the bathroom and blow for money... Oh. Wait. Sorry Tom. Staying along the lines of money, we go now live to Thoughtful Conservative who has an interesting report about bloggers who take money from political parties.

I hope you paid close attention to that piece Diane. See, there is more to the internet, than the porn you star in. Speaking of that, how's that rash doing Diane? Maybe you could talk to our next reporter. We bring you now a piece by RDoctor about the world of health insurance. Since I'm famous, I don't have to worry about things like this, but I'm sure households that have overweight fathers who wear glasses, and have talking dogs sure worry about health insurance.

At least I've gotten some action since 1994, Tom. How's that disfigured boy of yours? I'm sure taking him out in public does wonders for you getting laid. But in all seriousness, Tom, it is the holiday season, and I found a poem that I thought you might like. We may have our differences, but when I heard of this, I thought of you. And now, a poem, brought to you by an Ol' Broad.

I must say, Diane, I'm touched. For being a cold, heartless bitch, I sure didn't see that coming. Before we leave you tonight, we have a story about another individual that did something nice. Sub2Change is the focus of our story about helping out in the community.

That's going to do it for us here at Channel Eleven. I hope everyone has a great night. I know mine will get better once I step away from this shell of a woman that smells like fish. I'm Tom Tucker.

If it makes you feel any better Tom, my night won't be any better after I leave here. I'm going to go throw up after the sight of you sporting wood during the weather. I'm Diane Simmons, for everyone here at Chann...

It's still F***ING COLD OUT!!!!

..... for everyone here at Channel Eleven, goodnight.

***Instrumental Music***
***Lights fade off to black***

This has been a Carnival of the Badger production. For more information on how to have fun at the Carnival - go see Nick!

COTB Will Be Back, Right After These Messages

For those of you tuning in to the COTB, we are very sorry for the technical difficulties we are experiencing.

We have a 'Tom Tucker and Diane Simmons' theme for the Carnival in the works, but you'll need to tune in after 2pm for the live broadcast.

In the middle of production, things were halted when I got called in for work on something that couldn't wait. We here at Know What I Mean news department are very sorry for the inconvenience, and hope that you'll check back this afternoon.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Best On Fark Today

Somehow, a picture on Fark of some unknown type of newborn animal turned into a thread of amusing pictures of any kind of animals.

You can find the whole thread here. Not quite the 'Lipstick on the cat butt' thread, or the 'Nut stuck in chair' thread - but pretty damn funny. Nort, help a brother out, and send me the links for the two threads I just listed. People need to read those threads........

Excellent Execution

Nick really came through with the motivational poster. A few posts below, I put up a picture of my thermometer blatantly lying to me. Here's what Nick came up with:

Well done sir.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Nort Says

The usually woefully inept Journal-Sentinel was all over this snow storm we had today. So much so, they sent photographers all over town to capture the horror.

You can view the slideshow here. One of the pictures was of Capitol Drive in Brookfield.

At first glance, you wouldn't notice anything unusual about the pic. But something caught my eye, and I looked closer. Capitol Drive just happens to be the route that Nort takes to work every day. Enlarging the pic shows the luck this camera man had this morning:

Wishful Thinking

When we got the house, we also got alot of the 'little' things that every house has. Garden tools, patio furniture, hoses, and the like. I'm sure this is fairly common when houses get bought and sold, but in our case, the sellers were out-of-staters, so they left alot of little things.

One thing they left was a thermometer attached to the outside of my kitchen window. I never paid much attention to it until today.

Today, as those of you that live in the midwest know, we got a crapload of snow. It also dropped the temperature around the freezing point, down from the high fifties we had just a few days ago.

The thermometer on the window didn't seem to notice this change in weather.

Nick has postings of those inspirational posters, but with a twist. (like the "Responsibility" posting a few posts down) If I was feeling more creative, I'd make one with this picture.