Wednesday, August 31, 2005

First ESPN, now MTV??

Okay, last post for the night, and this will be a short post.

Since when did MTV become gay? When I got home this afternoon, I was flipping through the channels, and "Room Raiders" was on, except, this was a guy going through 3 rooms... of other guys.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But then this evening, there was an episode of "Date My Mom", where 'contestants' take out the prospective date's Mom, and then choose who to date based on that, before ever meeting the date. Well, this one was a guy going on 3 dates with each Mom. Each mom had a gay son, and the lines they had the mom's say were quite over the top.

Now, I've always said you can shop on either side of the aisle, and it doesn't matter to me, but I wonder if anyone had a problem with the way things were portrayed on these shows. I didn't watch for very long, but I can't say they took any effort to portray the gay community in a good light.

But like ESPN, they're top dog, and figure they can do what ever they want. Since they own VH1 now, we really have no alternative.

The Humidity Is Not High Enough

After the game on Sunday, me and Nort drove up to the Dells to hang out for a couple of day's for Colin's bachelor party.

We stayed at the Kalahari resort, and I really recommend that place to anyone going up there. We stayed in a condo, which was really 3 hotel rooms connected to each other, but the middle room had a kitchen and living room in it. Very nice.

I'm getting to be an old man, but I had never been to the Dells area before. Had never been to Noah's Ark, or anything like that. Nort almost got into an accident when I mentioned that one on the way up.

Speaking of being on the way up there.... We hit the road just after 6:30 I think, and about 10 min to the trip, Jon calls and asks us if we'll stop for cigars. Nort not knowing where there's a cigar shop out in Waukesha, stops at a Pick 'N Save. So you can guess the quality of the cigars we brought up with us. ( on a side note, about 5 guys out of eleven had a cigar on the first night, and then NO ONE else touched them, so I'm glad we stopped and got them. Sheesh ).

So after that stop, we tool our way up there, and make a stop north of Madison for some food, since neither one of us had eaten that day. As we head back on the freeway, Jon calls AGAIN, and asks us if we can pick up some Captian Morgan and coke for Matt Brooks. It's like 8:15 at this point, so we drive through back-woods USA looking for a liquor store. We finally find one, and some 14 year-old ( I'm not kidding about that one ), rings us up. We scored a $25 bottle of Captian for only $15 dollars, cuz the kid didn't know any better. I was unaware of this until we got back in the car. Good times.

So we pull up to the Kalahari resort..... AND THERE'S A FREAKIN LIQUOR STORE A BLOCK AWAY FROM THE RESORT!!!!! It was a 30 second drive to the store from the room, and maybe a 5-10 min walk. Jon never saw it.

So after finally checking in ( we couldn't check in with out Jon standing next to me ), we got everybody together, and hung out, and a bunch of us played poker for a while, then moved on to a couple of drinking games. Nothing too wild happened, you know, we're all getting old. We can't play drinking games like we used to.

Overheard while playing poker:

There was some noise coming from a nearby building, and there was discussion as to whether it was from a parked car with a bumpin' stereo, or if there was a nightclub nearby. When someone speculated that it was a nightclub, and that the nightclub would be in the building across the street, Jon stated:
"No way. If it was across the street, we wouldn't be able to hear it. The humidity is not high enough to carry the sound."

That was 2 days ago, and it's just as funny now when I write it, as when he said it.

So the next day, we went mini-golfing and go-karting. Good times on the go-kart track. We did 3 tracks, and each one got better as we went along. We did wait for the second one for like an hour cuz of a busted plank on the track, but it was worth it.

On the second track, I took off out of the gates and Nort was right behind me. We went down this hill, and he had this look on his face like he was determined to pass me. Right after we went up the next hill, I looked back, and he was NO where to be found. A few turns later, Colin and Joe appear 50 yds behind me, and they're laughing hysterically. Turns out, Nort's car refused to go up the hill any faster than 2MPH. I thought he wrecked, which is a funny thought in itself, but what really happened is even funnier.

The third track, Nort, Evan and myself got cut off from the main group, and had to wait for the next go-round. When the other 8 guys came back in the gates, no-one was smiling or laughing, so we figured the track was gonna suck. Boy were we wrong. Nort passed me right out of the gate, but then my car kicked in, and I tailed him for most of the first lap. There were these really tight circles that you would take progressively down in a spiral, and it seemed like the cars were going 80MPH instead of the 17 you really were. I was able to pass Nort, and early in the second lap, there was a car with a driver who thought he was driving Miss Daisy around the track. He was just kinda weaving back and forth, and he didn't even realize it. Everytime I'd try to pass right, he'd swerve over, and then look startled when he almost plowed me into the wall. So finally I saw an opening, and went for a quick pass on the left, and Nort was right behind me. I just barely made it through before the turn, and this guy was so scared of me getting around him, he never bothered to start the turn, and took himself and Nort right into the wall. Nort wasn't too happy about that. HA!

Despite most of the guys going to bed early on Monday night, I still had a really good time. Plus, I got to do my first water slide ever. Even if I am almost 30, better late than never I guess!

So That's What It Looks Like.....

Finally got some playing time on Sunday, and saw the field from an angle other than the sideline. Got to run down on kickoffs, got 2 series in on defense at free safety, and played most of the 4th quarter at QB. Not a bad day's work. And it's hella more fun on the winning side. We won 28-0, and didn't have to punt the entire day.

Will got in the game before I did, and I thought he played really well. He recognized the pass/run very well, and had a pass deflection that resulted in an interception for one of our linebackers.

I had a tackle on the second kickoff coverage. I thought I hit the guy kinda hard, but he didn't crumple like I had hoped, so I hung on and tried to spin him to the ground, only to get cracked by my own guy trying to help. But it was fun to have the chance to actually hit someone, instead of being hit for a change.

At free safety, they never even had the chance to throw the ball, so that time was pretty uneventful.

At QB, I did get to throw the ball 3 times ( once was an audible that I called, and the other team got kinda pissed ). But I completed the 2 passes that coach called in, and we scored a TD on the drive. The second drive we just ran, and took a knee to end the game.

Good times all around. Next week we play at 6PM on Saturday evening. We face off against the Madison Seminoles, the only other undefeated team in the league. Plus, they're in our conference, so this will be a big one for us.

Bob took some photos, and a couple of them are up on the Hitmen Site, and I'll make sure to get some up here in the future.

Credit When It's Due....

So there's a picture that's been around for a few years now, that most of you have prolly seen. It's of me being hit just mere seconds after I've released the football, in a game against the Racine Raiders in the Marauders first year of existence. You can see this picture at right.

Well, Will has come across a picture, and in his blog on Monday, posted this picture, with the caption: "Joey Harrington doing his best Kuflax impersonation."

Very well done. I found that to be very funny, and wanted to share that with all of you.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Hitmen Site

Alrighty - the website is up for the Hitmen.

Check it out here.

It is quite a work in progress, and I'm not happy with some things, but we had to get it up and running. So the never ending web upkeep continues. Except now, there's 35 guys that APPRECIATE what I'm doing.

I've also linked to it on the side, and removed the Marauder link. On a side note, the very pissed off Racine Raiders are coming to Hart Park on Saturday at 2pm. Will and I were thinking of getting a case of beer, and watching from the parking lot. Could be high comedy time.

But the Hitmen play on Sunday - 3PM - Milwaukee Sports Complex ( map on the Hitmen website *shameless plug* ). Come check us out. Will has a real good chance of playing more than I will, or at least earlier in the game. I am going to play special teams, offense, and some defense. Then, Nort's going to drive my broken ass up to Colin's bachelor party/shindig. Could be high comedy time there too.

We'll see you all Sunday!

Monday, August 22, 2005

Football Sunday

Stopped out to catch the end of the Maniac's game on Sunday. We play the Maniacs ( and Mr. Will Davis is playing too - ask him about the bruises on his arm, he'll blame Brad's VD ) next week. Sunday game, and there's no Packers on then, so NORT, you better check it out.

It must be something with having a team name that starts with "M" - cuz the Maniacs weren't very organized. NO defensive huddles, and at least one WR that doesn't know where to line up. Should be good times. They fumbled like 7 times. Mercy rule kicked in during the 4th quarter. So I might actually play this time.

Overheard in the stands:

Random player: "You know, the awards are B.S. All the positions are totally different. Like Free Safety and Strong Safety; they're not the same. Well, Corners I guess you can lump them together, they're all the same." Really? You don't say?

Random player to Satterwhite ( of the Hitmen ): "What side do you play on, left or right?"
Satterwhite: "It depends, I play on the strong side"
Random player: "Ohh yeah, so you play the leftside then."

Also overheard was a collective "Oooooh and Ahhhhh" over a NON-big hit. A player kinda fell down, and somebody landed on top of him, which resulted in a few of the crowd whooping it up over the 'hit'. I commented to Will that there has been 83 times when I've been hit WAY harder than that, and there wasn't a peep from the crowd or opposing players. Gotta love this league.

Hitmen website should be done in a couple of days.... I'll make sure you all see it, and inflate our page view statistics.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Seymour Butts Unavailable For Comment

Funniest news story I read today.


More Monopoly of ESPN

At night, ESPN runs 3 shows for 20 min apiece, and calls this the 'Trifecta'. Maybe a good idea in theory, but it's ESPN, so they screw it up.

Anyway, tonight on the "NFL Live" portion of the trifecta, they talked about Terrell Owens for TEN GOD DAMN MINUTES!!!!

Half the freakin show!! And 2 min was dedicated to the quotes by Peyton Manning and Ray Lewis, telling everyone to stop giving two shiats about T.O. Hey, if RayRay says to stop paying attention to T.O..... y'all better do as he says before 2 people get killed. Again.

So then they talked about whether there was TOO much coverage of the T.O. soap opera. OMFG!!!! Kinda like when they said they would "start" the debate over whether Tim Brown was Hall-worthy... there's no debate if you have to announce that you are starting one!! AND if you have to ask if there's too much coverage...... THERE'S TOO MUCH COVERAGE!!!!!

( hold on.... deep breath in...deep breath out.... )

I used to love ESPN. They still show lacrosse games at like 3am on a Saturday night/Sunday morning, so they've got that going for them. But in the same way that I feel the urge to flip off the Journal/Sentinel building everytime I drive past it when I'm downtown... if I'm ever in Conneticut, and I have the misfortune to go to Bristol, I will feel the urge to shout obscenities at the ESPN campus.

They have all the resources in the world. They're owned by Disney for Christ's sake. Why can't they find ONE person who knows crap when they see it, put that person in charge, and get that shiat off the air? Ever since they were bought by Disney, they realized they would beat the tar out of Fox Sports Net, and any other 'sports' dedicated channel, and they've been perpetually producing worse and worse programming. Bitches. But they know we can't do anything about it. We have NO alternative.

So I guess ESPN gets the last laugh, and they get to give us a collective "Boo-yah!"

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

New Team, New Site

So I spent most of tonight trying to lay out something for the Hitmen. You can see my progress HERE

I don't have that much content to fill it with, and right now the links don't go anywhere, but I'll work on that for the next few days. The 'marauder' images will be replaced with real Hitmen images once I get some from Henneberry.

An Open Letter To Barry and Terrell

That pic is a fav of a few friends of mine, so I'd like to thank them for it.

I'm a HUGE sports fan, but enough is enough already. Barry Bonds and Terrell Owens... asshats by definition. That's pretty terrible when I'm as big of a sports fan as I am, and I wouldn't mind if we never heard from either of them again. There's so much good with sports, and all we hear is garbage from these two guys. I better stop now before I puke.

Monday, August 15, 2005

High Score

So I did a Fark Photoshop contest today. I haven't done one in a while, but this one was a simple premise, so I threw my hat in the ring.

For the 'intarweb' newbies out there - is a website that posts various links to different web articles, news items, sports stories, and just general strange shiat that's out there on the web. People will submit articles to, and assign it a 'funny' headline. There's a link on the righthand side for ya.
For example: - an article was posted about a theft of a large amount of Viagra. So the person that submitted the article assigned a headline of:
"Crooks bust into warehouse and make off with cases of Viagra. Cops hoping leads will pop up soon"
Get it? Pop up soon? See, Viagra make you.... oh nevermind..... ;) The title I used for the Marc Cohn shooting is another example.

Anyways, they run what they call Photoshop Contests, where they give everyone an original image of something, and you edit the picture to make something funny/interesting. People can vote on the ones they like. So here was today's "Original"

As of 10:30 Monday night, I had 40 votes, which is by far my highest total ever. Not quite near the leader who had 150, but I was in the top third of the voting. Even my "Woodsman" entry didn't garner this many votes.

Ahhh the good ole days of Nintendo. On that note, now that Phily lost, I'm going to play some Madden. I'll get around to posting about that asshat Owens one of these days.


The State has recieved my resignation letter, and I'm off the Board of Directors of the Milwaukee Travelling Circus ( Marauders ) on THURSDAY!!


Sunday, August 14, 2005

They Need Something To Do Up There

Next time you're on a plane, ask the flight attendant to go up to the cockpit ( or "Flight Deck" as Sky Dork calls it ), and have him/her ask the pilots what river you can see out of the window. They really love it when you do that. I mean, reading all those magazines can be tiresome up there, they need a distraction or two.

No Dirt

Hitmen won tonight.

I didn't get the chance to get my uniform dirty. I would have, but we stalled out on a drive at the beginning of the 4th quarter. I think there's a 25% chance that the QB goofed on purpose to keep me and Brad off the field. Well, not really, cuz this is NOT the Marauders.

I woulda had at least one series, and Brad would have too, if we coulda scored on that drive. Brad would have only played one series because of his "VD like" symptoms. I leave the explanation to your imagination. Only to say that it had nothing to do with anything you're prolly thinking.

I had like 18 people come out to watch the game, and I'd like to thank all 18 of you. That's pretty cool that you would all do that, despite my warnings that I wasn't gonna play.

Next week we have a bye, so hopefully we'll see at least 16 of you the following week. Big thanks to Sky Dork and Tom for coming out to see the game. I'll understand if you 'pilots' can't make the next game. I've been promised that I'll play next game, so I might actually have to pay attention in practice the next two weeks. ;)

Friday, August 12, 2005

Shortwell Saves the Day

Nort and I went to the Packer game this past evening. I still haven't dried off.

Apparently, they've lowered the speed limit to 22MPH through Oshkosh on Hwy 41.

We had pretty good endzone seats. I've sat around the 50yd line, and while those are the best seats in the house, endzone seats are my next fav. You get to see the play develop, and for a football nerd like me, that's pretty cool.

It would NOT stop raining for the game. Not even for 14 seconds. It would lighten up, then go back at it again. Aside from Favre's TD pass and Longwell's FG, the loudest cheer came when the rain came down in HUGE misting sheets. The lights would illuminate huge sheets of rain, and limited visibility across the whole stadium... and the place started to go nuts. Gotta love those Packer fans.

The Chargers had a QB named Theo Lemon. At least that's what Nort and I swore the PA guy was saying. You know you're a nobody in football when Nort and I look at each other and say in unison "Who the hell is that?".

Nort and I are on the ESPN broadcast of the game winning FG. Nort Tivo'd the game, and he says you can see us for a moment before the f*ckin' scorebox in the corner cuts us off. So we're famous now!

At the game, I received two phone calls from opposite sides of the country. Lee called to say that he would be in Milwaukee tomorrow ( Friday ). In classic Lee fashion, he waits till 8pm the day before he gets here to let me know. I really do love the guy, but that cracks me up. With Lee in town, I may have to do the inaugural "Running the Clock" segment, and do a minute by minute account of the day. Should be good times.
I also received a call from my father, who was very impressed with the sports bar he was at in Salt Lake City. They're not much for drinking out there, but apparently there's an octagonal bar, with 8 big-ass plasma TV's all along it. They also have flat screen TV's in the booths around the bar. And there's a few (2-3) projection screens along the walls. And that's just the first floor. So he thinks I should copy that idea and open one up here. So when I find $250,000 seed money, I'll do just that.

And I think I'll call the place "Above Average".

Speaking of bars, Nort and I ended the night at the aforementioned Hart's, and there was one female there when we got there. She left within about 10 min, leaving about 10 dudes in the place. Where's Will when you need him?!?!?!

( not that he likes sausage-fests, but he could have made pretty good fun of the situation ).

Off to get some rest with Sky Dork coming into town. And PS - we've got a football game on Saturday at 8PM, Milwaukee Sports Complex ( 60th and Ryan Rd ) - come check us out!!! I might get my uniform dirty this time, except it just won't be on punt returns.

Finding Content

So I put together some more pages for Andy over at Hart's to look at and he liked it.

For your viewing pleasure here.

So now I have to find some stuff to put on the 'pages'. Andy's gonna send me some digital pics from the bar, and other things to fill it in.

Woo hoo! Free beer. Now if I could just find a cool place to do a website for, I'd feel like I'd have done something important. Or if anybody would ever pay me for this.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

A reindeer had a red nose... BOOM! That's why they call it Christmas. Tough Actin' Tinactin.

Came home from work today to find a copy of the newly released "Madden 06" taped to the front door. Talk about an awesome present.

I've always been more of a fan of EA's NCAA version of the football franchise, but I am VERY impressed with Madden this year. Like NCAA has the "Race for the Heisman", Madden has a "Superstar Mode". You hire an agent, take some of the Wonderlic test, go through Training Camp, go to the barber, and all kinds of off field stuff that affects your on-field persona. Very well done.

You can import your "Heisman Race" character into Madden, but I haven't gotten that far in NCAA yet. So I created a new character in Madden ( you pick your parents ), and gone through a couple of training camp days.

I was gonna post something about the space shuttle, but you will all have to await my words of wisdom as I return to the PS2.

Still have that "Walking in Memphis" song stuck in my head today.

For everyone other than Will and Nort, the "Christmas" reference in the title is from Frank Caliendo's stand up act when he does his Madden impersonation.

Singer Marc Cohn shot in the head, survives. When asked if he was a Christian, he replied "Ma'am I am tonight!"

Stole the headline from someone who commented on the story on

WTF?? The 'Walking in Memphis' guy got carjacked, shot in the head... and is going to be okay.

Apparently you have a prayer in Denver too. And security didn't see him. He almost saw the ghost of Elvis.

He got shot in the HEAD and is going to be okay. First of all, if it's not even safe to be Marc Cohn, then yowza.

Second... He Got SHOT in the HEAD! And he's gonna be okay. How does that work?

Safety Tips...

- Nort hasn't been online, or answered his phone in like 3 days. Will said he wasn't at work on Monday. Normally, I wouldn't worry if it was a friend of mine for at least a few more days, but this is Nort we're talking about. He at least leaves his computer on all day. And I know there was Monday Night Football on tonight, but that's the kinda thing that would wake Nort up OUT of a coma.... so if I don't get any results on Tuesday, I'm going to buy an oversized Packer jersey, put it on a St. Bernard dog, and put a collared oak barrel of Leinie's Red around it's neck and send it out to Nort's house. That is, if it can find the house out in the boonies. Those cows in the field might scare the dog a bit.

- So HBO and Cinemax weren't working on the big tv at the end of last week, and it was a relatively quick fix for the bitches over at Time-Warner. Now, when I hopped online tonight, my DSL is all jacked up. It won't log in as my SBCYAHOODSL account, but will still let me surf the web ( and post my rant here ), through my IE. SBCDSL uses a 'Mozilla/Firefox' based explorer normally, but I got a window that says I've CALLED to cancel my service. Which I have NOT yet!!!! If I would have called to cancel, it would have been because we signed up for RoadRunner ( which we haven't, yet, but we WILL ).
The deal was, we were 'borrowing' cable from Marye downstairs. So, not able to order RR, we ordered DSL for $25 bucks a month through SBC. Well, Time Warner noticed, and now we're not borrowing cable anymore. But we're under contract through SBC till the end of September. So at that point, I WILL call to cancel SBCDSL. But it's not September yet!!!! Those donkey's wouldn't even help me out over the phone. They were unable to say why my phone worked just fine, and why I could log into any IM program that I liked, and why I could use the internet through IE... but had NO idea why the normal Yahoo login wouldn't work. DONKEYS!!!! And sadly, I've been okay with the service we've had so far. Seemingly fast connection, and never been unable to login. UNTIL now! So the drama continues until tomorrow morning when I get to call and yell at someone else. Ugh.

- So why don't people just ask for what they want in the first place? Why have you work on something for an entire week, only to ask the following week if you could do it the other way? Especially if you ask them how they would like it done in the first place, and actually suggest you do it the 'right' way, only to have them tell you to do it the other way? Or even if they asked you to do both, and when done concurrently could be done faster?

- Bank robbers in Brazil make off with $68Million. Story Here. There were motion sensors in the vault floor that didn't go off. WTF?? They dug a tunnel 2 blocks long. They did the math right to be able to come up from UNDER the floor of the vault. They busted through the concrete in the vault on a weekend, and made off with the cash. And the floor sensors didn't go off??? Can you imagine the vibrations that have to be caused breaking into a vault through the FLOOR?? Impressive all around. Impressive on the robbers part for the effort put into it, and either just plain dumb luck, or even more impressive if they suppressed the sensors.

- Daylight Saving Time is going to be extended an extra month on each end. I'm not going to link to the article, but there's one ( more I'm sure ) out there citing this as "Y2K7", and comparing it to a possible tech disaster that should have been the year 2000. If you bought a VCR that knows what day it is, and when it's supposed to rollover to DST.... STFU and GBTW!!!! Pull out the instructional manual, and go back to watching CSI instead of taping it.

- Maybe instead of "Safety Tips..." my random thought section could be called "Bitch Session". At least that's what this one seems to be. 'Cept for the part about Nort. We are really gonna worry by Thursday if he misses the Packer preseason game.

- On a happy note... Betty Crocker makes a pretty kickass pasta salad. The 'Creamy Parmesan' is especially good. Only takes a few min to cook, and rocks. Gotta love Betty.

- I'm trying to learn a program called "Flash" ( for web graphics/animations ). Anyways, it's not going so well. Difficult program to say the least. So far, I'm able to move a few objects around the screen, but can't get them to interact all that well. But I was playing with the Restaurant Hama logo, and had quite funny results with it. The "Hama" guy is holding a fish in one hand, and a big knife in the other. I was trying to get it to look like the knife was spinning around in his hand, and somehow, I programmed it to fly out of his hand and stab him in the eye. At first I was quite irked that I couldn't get it right, but then I realized how funny of a mistake that was. It's even funnier, because if I try to program the knife to spin around and end up in his eye, I can't even do that. So my next task is to learn how to integrate flash into HTML, and post my screw-up on here for everyone to enjoy. I sure don't like that program so far.

- Wow, this was a long post. I'll try to keep the 'Safety Tips' much shorter next time.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Anonymous says...

Anonymous sure had alot to say about the Hart's post.

If you comment, please leave a name, so I know who you are. Feel free to comment anything about what I have to say. The web lets me post whatever I want, so when you comment, say whatever you want as well.

I generally won't make fun of what you say, unless you post something about what bar used to be in it's place before the current one. Then I'll make fun of you for knowing old stuff like that.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

In the beginning...

So I've got a quasi-deal worked out with Col. Hart's bar in Wauwatosa, that if I put together a website for them, I get a bar tab. So I started putting one together this morning that I was actually kinda happy with. So I open the start of it to you, the masses, for your able hands to tell me how much it sucks.

The barebones are here.

So far, there's just a frontpage, and a template on the 'specials' page. I've made everything up on the page, I don't even know how long the bar has been around, but I needed some space fillers.

The slogan however, is NOT mine. Will had some colorful suggestions for alternative suggestions, but for now, Andy gets what he asked for.

Up next- Restaurant Hama. I want some free sushi.

Study shows lack of production at work. Still no cure for cancer.

I post this link for amusement only. Just imagine the results of the data if they would have interviewed Will or Nort. They didn't interview anyone at the WAC either, cuz they're a bunch of internet Nazi's over there. Maybe if I had some windows, I wouldn't feel the need to glance at Fark.

Anyways.... Here's the article.

Ha. Most of you prolly just read that while working. Now go do something worthwhile, like socializing with your co-workers.

Lucy.... I'm Home!!!

Okay - we have a new address for my mindless drivel. More than just 2 people might actually read this, so I've moved to this lovely new address. Spiffy, ain't it?