Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Safety Tips

You're lucky I have to actually do some work in a few minutes, or this post would be REALLY long. So here's a few things I have issue with today. Maybe I'll get around to posting specifics later. But for now, this is going to be a pretty salty version of Safety Tips.

  • There is a congressman that is considering bringing the Terrell Owens situation before the Anti-Trust committee. Are you kidding me? The Eagles still have to pay Owens, so please, please, please explain to me how this hinders 'free trade and commerce'. Ugh.
  • Nort heard on the radio (AM620) this morning that Milwaukee is going to put the Iraqi war up to a vote in the spring elections. Of course, I could not find an article pertaining to this on JSOnline (owned by the same people that put AM620 on the air), but coming from Milwaukee, I'm not really surprised. Confused, annoyed, flustered at this? Yes.
  • Summerfest is going to raise the entry price again. Yes, it's lost some of it's luster with me and my friends over the past few years, but I can't imagine how they can justify raising prices. They have a sweetheart deal for use of the land, and they make more money off of vendor fees, and a cut of beer sales than they do off ticket prices. It's past the point where I'm happy to consider paying $15 to get in, then have to shill out $6 a beer. Summerfest in and of itself is a really great idea. It's just too bad it has to be run in this bass-acwards town.
  • The Packers held the opposing QB to only 98 yds of passing, and still lost. The Bears (which Sky Dork constantly reminds me) have won their last seven. Woe is me.
  • Amongst all the stupidity that is Wisconsin politics, an interesting topic has arose - the city of Sheboygan as a space port. They want to launch rockets from there. That's actually kinda cool. But here's the quote from a former lieutenant governor, "Now people no longer scoff at Buck Rodgers." Some people should just never open their mouths.
  • It took 12 people to design the new XBox. Not the processors, or the embedded code, but the OUTER CASE. Now I don't work for a uber large corporation, but Willy tends to not see the big deal in this. But 12 people? To design an outer case? Even if you come up with something and the techy folks say they can't fit everything in there and you have to modify the design.... 12 people?

I'm going to go see if I can round up twelve people to help me go do my work now. Enjoy your day boys and girls.

Monday, November 28, 2005

It's Not Mine!! I Swear!!

Straight out of an episode of "Cops", Michael Irvin (of Dallas Cowboy fame and current ESPN analyst) was busted in Plano, TX for drug paraphernalia possession.

Irvin claims the crack pipe that police found was owned by a 'friend of his'. Suuuuuuurrrre it was Mike. He said that the friend was over for Thanksgiving, and that Irvin took the pipe out of the house so his kids wouldn't find it. He was going to drive around and throw the pipe away, most likely in a grocery dumpster, or something like that, but he forgot. Suurrrre Mike.

Irvin refused to give the name of his "friend". Because, you know, if the cops had the name of the friend, they could question him, and clear Irvin's name. But that would be too easy.

And it's sad too, because alot of people are going to believe Irvin for this. Nevermind that he's done more blow than anyone not named Whitney Houston or Courtney Love, during his playing days with the Cowboys. Just "forgot" to throw the pipe away? Here's a highly visible ESPN personality, who claims he had the pipe to keep it away from his kids, and was going to throw it away. It would seem to me, that if I were famous, and I needed to get rid of a crack pipe that wasn't mine.... that would pretty much be at the TOP of my to-do list.

He'll still be on ESPN tonight, but it should be fun to watch as to how this will play out.

First Pink Shirts - Now This????

Silly me - all I did in college was drink beer, run track, and go to class (everyonce and awhile).

Save for a few sporting events, there was never a time that the guys would huddle around the TV for a show. We'd be clustered around the TV if there were video games and beer involved... but that was about the extent of it.

But apparently I'm missing out on the new 'fad'. The new rage is for guys to get together, turn off their cellphones, and huddle up around a TV while "Laguna Beach" and the "O.C." are on.

Yes, I said guys. Don't believe me? Here you go.

They even walk around announcing what "Team" they're on, based on which characters they like from the show. How sad is this? And it's not isolated to one campus. This is happening at Marquette, UW Madison, Whitewater, and even UWM.

Where did we go wrong in raising the youth of today? Is it too late? Can we save guys like this? Where would we start? I fear that if we don't find something manly for them to do real soon, we may not be able to save them at all. This is so sad, I don't even know what to do about it.

The demise of society inches closer everyday. And now with dudes watching those shows in that manner.... we're powerless to stop it. Woe is us.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Don't Like It?...Wait 5 Minutes

Here's a general idea of what it looked like around here on Friday night/Saturday morning.

Now, forward on just 24 hours. Here's a general idea what it looked like around here today.

(well, except for the leaves on the trees. But the rain part is what we're going for here. And yes, I know I need a digital camera, so just STFU about it until x-mas)
WTF? Although I'm glad the snow went away, but c'mon. It was farkin' 12 degrees on Thursday, and it's going to be over 40 today. I hate this sh*t.

Saturday, November 26, 2005


On this wonderfully crappy day (weather wise), Sky Dork has made a triumphant return to the Mid-West. He is in Chicago visiting his sister, so there's a chance that we might head on down for some dinner with the Dork and his wife. Josh and Betsy are already set to go, so we'll try to work out a few kinks, and hopefully get some good eats in today.

Of course we'll be happy to see Sky Dork, but then again... it's Due's pizza.

More to talk about later, cuz I'll be f*cked if I'm going outside today ( except for Due's ). Some asshat thought it would be a good idea to snowblow the entire church property at 7:30 this morning. I could understand doing the sidewalk if they're going to have patrons today... but they were out there for over an hour and a half! So I'm pretty wired already this morning. Oh joy.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Turkey Day

Happy Thanksgiving peeps.

The Evil Empire Has Called...

Funny how things time themselves out huh? I left for work with thoughts of the Traveling Circus on my mind... and then I received a phone call from the Evil Empire on my cell while I was at work.

And by Evil Empire, I don't mean the Traveling Circus. Another minor league football team in the state called me. A pretty famous one. One a little south of here. Like thirty miles south. (for those not from around here.... that would be RACINE)

They are arguably the most famous semi-pro team in the country. The current version of the Evil Empire has existed in one form or another for 40 years. Before that, they were around for decades. The original team, then known as the Gladiators were sold and moved to Detroit. Upon arrival in Detroit, they became known as the Lions, and joined a fledgling league known as the NFL. The team in Racine even played the Green Bay Packers WAY back in the day.

So enough with the history lesson. Before I get back to the call, this is all ironic because of the stuff Nort brought to my attention in the post below. I used to play, and was a founding board member of the Traveling Circus. The 2005 board, which I was on at the time, voted to purchase $3500 worth of jerseys. We didn't have the money, but had the promise of the money coming in. Myself and a few others voted against the purchase, but we were out voted. Long story short, not all the promised money made it in. Big surprise. Take the italics there to mean COMPLETE sarcasm.

So in well documented on field events, and frustration from an utter roadblock to getting things done the right way off the field finally got me to abandon the sinking ship that Nort had the foresight to abandon months earlier. I did alot of work for them, and I cannot imagine how some of those things are going to get done now. The website hasn't been updated since early October. They've played games since then. Which is funny to me, because when I did the site, it was never good enough, and someone couldn't wait for me to be forced to give it up. Well, he got his wish. Glad to see it's working out for him.

And then there's the Evil Empire. Someone on the Circus with close ties to the Empire was speaking with the President of the Empire shortly before the first game that the Circus and Empire played this past season. The President asked if I was starting at QB that night. The answer was that I was no longer with the team, and that was the end of the conversation.

Fast forward to today. The same two people are speaking again, the President asked Robert... I mean the Circus player.... why I wasn't with them anymore. Upon hearing the story, the President asked if it would be alright if he called me. My number was given out, and I got the call.

He said to me that it didn't occur to him to ask at the game why I left, but asked what my football plans were. I explained my situation with the Hitmen, and how happy I was. He understood, but asked if they could keep in touch. He's not in a position to promise anything, but they've lost pretty much their whole group of QBs. He said that upon hearing my situation, he called the coaching staff, and they are interested in me coming down there.

When I asked how he knew who I was, he said that I had played better against them better than any other QB outside of Kane County, IL. I took an ass whuppin', and still almost beat them twice. I thanked him for the compliment, and that was it. I called Robert, and he said that he's giving thought to going down there, and thinks I'd do well behind that offensive line.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have found a family with the Hitmen. But it felt nice to have that conversation, especially with the Evil Empire. They beat my ass for 4 years, and yet, they think well of me.

I'd get to use brand new balls in practice. Any equipment I ever needed would be a conversation away. Locker rooms at practice, where you can leave your equipment. The chance to play in front of 1500 fans, minimum, every home game. An actual position coach. Games on the radio, 2-3 page coverage in the newspaper, and more community support than you can shake a stick at. All travel paid, with meal money on the road. I live just far enough away that I'd qualify for gas money to the practices. Practices where everyone shows up... or they don't play. A winning season.

Excuse me for a moment, I have to go take a cold shower.

I wonder if this is what free agents feel like when the Yankees call. I mean, tough to say no, right?

But the Hitmen gave me a second chance at a football life, and I'd be hard pressed to leave, even if Racine could offer me a guarantee that I'd be 'the man'. I love my new family.... but selfishly, it sure felt damn good to get that call.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Not Our Problem Any More

Recent exchange between me and Nort on IM.... edited for clarity and to avoid linkage....

nort: got a call from Miller today - the Travelling Circus owes them $500 from a game in July
kuflax: hahahahaaha
kuflax: you tell her to go stick it, cuz it's not your problem?
nort: nope, just got a message on my answering machine at home
nort: they've already tried to contact Virgil and Jenny with no response
kuflax: how'd you get the call? zimm's name was on the bill last i checked
kuflax: hahahahahaha
nort: if I don't call them back, it's time for legal action
nort: he found my number off of one of the checks
kuflax: hahahahaha
kuflax: they don't have $500
kuflax: they didn't even have enough to pay back the jerseys
nort: oh, and in today's mail - looks like a bill from MPS
kuflax: LOL
nort: addressed to Virgil with my address
kuflax: prolly for the practice field
mgarb: sure
kuflax: i'll call jenny tonight
nort: looks like another 5 or 600, from what I can see
kuflax: lol
kuflax: i have to head into work in a few min - i'll call jenny from work and break the bad news
nort: cool - how late are you workin till?
kuflax: if they don't pay miller soon - they won't get any beer for next year

This is even funnier if you know the history. As mentioned in the exchange, I have to run into work, I'll post about why this is f*cking funny when I get back.

The Don Tightens the Noose

Home from work early today, because I have to go back from 6-9, so posting aplenty today.

In yet another wonderful example of the Goliath that the NFL has become, Terrell Owens was told to f*ck off. STORY HERE

Wow. Was this really a surprise coming? An employer basically firing a guy for insubordination? Well, not even firing him really, because he's going to get paid through the end of January.

When did player unions decide that professional athletes should be give more "rights" than any other employee on the planet? How far up up your ass does you head have to be to argue that T.O. is being oppressed by not being released?

So imagine this: You decide to go work for a company in a high profile job. Being high profile, and the fact that not many people can do your job as well as you can, they pay you VERY well. After being there for a brief period of time, you call your boss a proverbial jackass, cite that your company is "classless", and say very disparaging things about another high profile co-worker.

At this point, your company tells you that they are going to suspend you for four weeks, during which time you will NOT be paid. After the four weeks are up, they have told you to not come to work, but you WILL be paid after that point.

Where else in the world would this ever happen, except for professional sports? And where does the players union get off saying that T.O. is being treated unfairly after all this? What's so unfair? Please explain that to me.

The NFL is the most successful pro league. Tags has done an outstanding job of keeping the league in it's current state. I'm quite happy that they have the balls to stand up to these asshats that don't understand the difference between a privilege and a right. The league is more important than an individual, and it's a privilege to play in the league. The people telling these athletes otherwise deserve a big punch in the mouth.


Next Friday?? Are you kidding me?

My prized possession is my TV. It's the only big purchase I've ever splurged on, and I've wanted one like this forever. So last year when I had the opportunity, I got a 50 inch flatscreen TV. And I couldn't be happier with it.

**funny side note to getting the TV.... When I decided that it was time to get one, I started doing all the necessary 'homework'. So I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted, and told Robyn that I was going to get a big TV, and that she should come out and look with me. She protested, saying we already had enough TVs. When we moved in here, we had my 25 inch college TV, and we brought two of her TVs with us, a 27 inch, and another 25 inch.

She didn't like the idea of me getting one, but ended up going along after I promised her that we'd go to the mall after going to Best Buy. When we got to Best Buy, we walk back to the section that houses the big 'uns, and her eyes got REAL big. She walked over to the biggest TV there ( like 65 inches or so ), and proclaims.... "Ooooooh!! Why don't we get this one?". Ten minutes earlier, she thought this was a silly idea. One look, and she was a convert.

So why the post about the TV? And what does this have to do with next Friday? Well, lately I've been getting a slight shadow on the screen from the image. The manual said in the trouble shooting section that shadows are usually caused by the incoming signal. But I began to notice the shadow when I kick up the PS2, and the shadow is also noticeable on the menu screens of the TV - so it's not the signal coming in.

I got a pretty good deal on the TV to begin with ( not what you know in this world, but who you know... I used to work for the manager of the Circuit City store that I got it at ), and actually ended up getting the "Protection Plan" for free. So I called them to have someone come take a look at my TV ( over 35 inch TVs get free in-home service ).... and the next available time slot they had was NEXT FRIDAY!!

Do they only have one tech? Is he driving in from Utah? Do that many people really have big TVs that need servicing? How is this possible?

So there in lies the conflict.... I'm pissed that it's going to take a week and a half to have someone come over..... but I'm not paying for it. And it's just a little shadow. But if for whatever reason, if the TV ever STOPS working, they better think twice about making me wait a week and a half.

Don't mess with me and my big TV.

Well, Got That Out of the Way

Snow is good for two things, making snowmen, and skiing (the downhill variety). Since I live in Wisconsin, there's not much downhill skiing going on. And I already made a small snowman this morning when I had to move the car.... so yeah. F*ck the snow. I hate it.

Sky Dork wants to open a health club in Florida, and has asked me about joining him.

Now where's his number?????

Monday, November 21, 2005

There's A Gleam Men

Yeah, picks sucked this week. Did I mention that?

With one game to go, I've only got 5 right. Nort musta picked with his eyes closed, because he's got 8 right so far. Or maybe he's picking with his eyes open, and before they were closed at the start of the season. I'll have to ask him about that.

But there's still hope for this weekend. Sakmon Gado just has to score 4 more fantasy points than Donald Driver tonight, and there will be dancing in the streets. In the WAC fantasy league, I'm up against Nort, who is doing very well this year. Me? Not so much. But there's a gleam..... and myself and the rest of the league are rooting for me to pull the upset tonight.

My team may suck, but I've beaten my old boss in this league already, and I got the better of Nort in the BNS league once already. Man that steak was tasty.

Good thing I didn't bet on this week, cuz I prolly won't win. But it will be nice to think about the possibility the rest of the afternoon at work.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Extra Cheese, With A Side of Suckage

Please don't take this as any indication of my artistic ability, but I thought I'd show you the first real Flash thing I've put together. In Flash parlance, this would be called a Movie. Anything you create in Flash is considered a "movie", but I think that's a stupid term. Even if you create a 'button' that has an action attributed to it for use in a webpage, you're supposed to call it a 'movie'. I don't think so.

Now granted, this only took me about an hour, and it is SO not fancy. But it fulfills the requirements for the assignment; motion, lighting effects, and sound. I can't believe I'm going to show you this, but as much as I bitch about the program, I figured I should let you all laugh at my inaptitude with it.

The projects WILL get better, I promise. But hey, even DaVinci had to start with stick figures right?

Anyway, the link here will take you to the Muskego Hitmen site, specifically the "Forms" page. There is a small link on the bottom of the page that says "test". Click that word, and behold my first Flash project.

Here you go!

PS - The original tag line was funnier, but didn't think it would go over too well in class. The original tag line was: "Hitmen 2006: Not for the vaccinated." Props to Willy for that one.

Who Let The Dogs Out?

Wow. I am going to take it in the shorts this week in the Spread Pick-em league. Five spreads at 9.5 or higher, and only two at 3 or less.

I got 10 of 14 right last week, bringing my total for the year to 79 out of 144 games played, or about 55%. Good thing we don't lay any real wood on this, cuz I'd barely have my head above water. But I've got a comfortable lead in the pool, and I'm going to need it this week.

Again, for Mom, first team listed is who I've picked, negative number means they have to win by that much, positive number means win outright or lose by less than that. Home team in caps.

WASHINGTON (-6) vs Oakland
Right off the bat we start with the headaches. Two teams that aren't consistent. Washington is good, but they've layed an egg or two. Oakland is, well, Oakland. You know its a bad week when the best argument you can come up with is.... "Well, it's Oakland, so give them the points." God this week is gonna suck.

Miami (+2.5) vs CLEVELAND
An argument was made that first year head coaches get their teams to play better as the year goes on. Miami has looked better than advertised at times, and Cleveland is, well, Cleveland. Feeling a theme here? They've looked worse as the season goes on. And that's saying alot, because they looked pretty terrible when they almost lost to the Pack early on. So I'm thinking the points look okay here. Have I mentioned how much I think this week is going to suck?

Pittsburgh (pick-em) vs BALTIMORE
I suscribe to the theory that you run for the hills if Tommy Maddux is starting for a team, but they're playing Baltimore. Pittsburgh's defense wins this one 7-0 on an interception return for a TD. Baltimore's offense is THAT bad. Like Traveling Circus bad. I hold the record for pass yards in a game with 187 for the Traveling Circus. Pretty pathetic huh? Well, welcome to the Baltimore offense. So there's the trouble. Always..... ALWAYS pick against Tommy Maddux. But it's Baltimore. And I benched Jamal Lewis in one fantasy football league, so he's going to run wild and screw up this pick. THIS WEEK SUCKS.

DALLAS (-8) vs Detroit
Harrington is the favorite now to get the start for the Lions, and that's encouraging for me and the Boys giving eight points. Harrington played well last week, but as I just mentioned, even I threw for 187 against Racine once, so blind monkeys can find bananas every once and a while. Since this week is going to SUCK, Jeff Garcia will magically be healthy and run around enough to pull out the upset.

Jacksonville (-4) vs TENNESSEE
Alright. Here's one I have scientific proof for. Tennessee will lose this game, and by more than four points, and the whole Volunteer state has me to blame for that. I've just acquired Steve McNair (the Tenn. QB) in a fantasy football league. Yup. You guessed it. That means that he's going to throw 3 INTs this weekend, get sacked about 12 times, and fumble on 3 of those sacks. Oh, and keeping with the trend of my fantasy teams, McNair will not throw a TD this week. So Jacksonville fans, I will accept your thanks in the form of cash, preferably large bills.

ST. LOUIS (-9.5) vs Arizona
Rams at home, and favored by only 9.5 against the Cards? Woo hoo! Should be a no-brainer of a pick, but because this week suc........ well, lets just move on shall we?

New Orleans (+9.5) vs NEW ENGLAND
Patriots have been all over the board. New Orleans has flat out sucked at times. But I don't know that the Pats can hold it together much longer. Plus, Tags has to help out the floundering Saints eventually. Nine and a half is looking like alot of points here, just enough points to sucker me in and take 'em. Did I mention I hate this week?

NY GIANTS (-7) vs Phily
Giants need the game worse than Phily does. Phily wouldn't tell you that, but there's no way that the Eagles can last through the stretch they have. They're out of the NFC East race, but they just don't know it yet. Plus, the Eagles are passing on having Koy Detmer start this week. Koy is famous for going in and playing well for ONE quarter, then getting hurt, and convulsing on the field like he landed on an electric cattle prod. Man that was funny. Almost took my mind off how bad this week is going to be.

ATLANTA (-6) vs Tampa Bay
See what I mean about the spreads? A few weeks ago, they were all 3 pointers. Now, they've got the spreads just high enough to mess with your mind. Atlanta just lost to the Pack in the "Gado" game. Chris Simms drank from the same fountain that Warner drank from a few years ago. But it's still Chris Simms. And these are two teams that always end up fighting it out, that no matter what the spread was, I'd have trouble with it. So why do they have to play this week then? Ugh.

Carolina (-3) vs CHICAGO
Good offense vs good defense. Usually the defense wins out, but just to annoy Sky Dork ( who got a new job (again), and is back in the ranks of the commercial pilots. So congrats to him for that. He lives in FL, and will "commute" to work because he will be based out of Newark. That's a helluva commute. ) I'm picking the Panthers. I think they'll win outright, so this is prolly the best I feel about any pick this week. Scary, ain't it?

Seattle (-12.5) vs SAN FRANCISCO
12.5 is alot of points, but it's San Francisco. And it took me awhile to admit that the Hawks are one of the better teams in the NFC. Still, almost 13 points is alot, so lets move on before I change my mind, shall we?

DENVER (-13) vs New York Jets
Thirteen points is alot, but as much as I like Brooks Bollinger, there's no way he gets it done against the Broncos. This is prolly the second best I feel about a pick this week, and it involves a THIRTEEN point spread!! Normally this is fun for me (even if it's not so much fun for you to read), but when I see the picks written out like this, I don't feel so good about them.

Buffalo (+11) vs SAN DIEGO
A really good running team is getting eleven points. Sounds tempting right? Well, not as tempting as you'd think, since it's this week, and it's Buffalo against SD. Plus, I couldn't justify taking the favorite in all three games in double digits.

Indy (-6) vs CINCY
Again with the teases. My mind is so drained at this point, all I gots is that Indy is the better team. More balanced, and they're going to win the game. Since they're going to win, they should win by at least a touchdown and cover. Can you tell I'm really reaching at this point with the picks?

Kansas City (-7) vs HOUSTON
Woo hoo! An easy one! KC only giving up a TD to Houston? What don't I know about this game that I need to know????? Why do I have the feeling that the spread should be higher?? Cuz it's THIS week. That's why. It sucks.

GREEN BAY (-4.5) vs Minnesota
I picked 'em to win straight up in the confidence pool. Granted, I only put one point on the game, but hey, I can dream can't I? I'm really hoping that Gado has a rockstar day, and becomes a mini-legend in the annuls of GB history. Plus, he had the quote this week, that his pops was coming from overseas to see him play in the last game of the season, "If I'm still on the team at that point."
Can you say humble? That should be karma enough to win. But it's me and the Packers, and karma doesn't quite cut it. So as long as I'm in the tank for this week, I might as well pick the Packers. God help us both this football weekend.

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Enough Already Guys

I say 'Guys' in the title, because no woman with any stitch of fashion sense has a hand in the latest debacles that are college football uniforms.

Nike (who makes some very fine products, and I say that even though they don't give me free sh*t anymore), has launched their "Revolution" uniform designs this year. They stem from the under garment apparel that sports different colored sleeves. Schools are hopping on this train like a someone paid the Athletic Directors large amounts of money to wear..........

Oh wait. That's why they're wearing the uniforms. Bad analogy.

Here's a couple of examples of the uni's that gave me a headache this Rivalry weekend.

Yuck. Some of the players are opting to wear long sleeves under just ONE arm, continuing the mismatched color all the way down that arm. Blue and Orange are contrasting enough, so you don't have to accentuate it with the shoulder. And I'm not a big fan of the maroon and orange of VT either.

But where does it stop? Even if you found color schemes that would look better in contrast, it has to end somewhere.

At least Wisconsin wears Adidas. So we'll never have to see the above in real life. And so help me, if they ever mess with the best uniforms in all of sport, then the universe might collapse in upon itself. But I'm pretty sure with JoePa at the helm we'll never have to see something like this.....

I feel kinda blasphemous for having made that. But atleast I used Larry Johnson in the pic.

And just to add to my disdain of the "U", the University of Miami is rolling out the Revolution jerseys this weekend too. I might have thrown up in my mouth if I had put a picture up of what those uni's would look like. Not that they stand a chance, but I'm a huge Georgia Tech fan tonight. Go Yellow Jackets!!

******UPDATE****** GT WINS!! They beat Miami 14-10! Bu-bye BCS Miami. Now they'll have more time to make more rap albums.

Friday, November 18, 2005

The End of the World

So I'm able to move some text around, and mess with various lighting effects in Flash now. It's still a m-f'er of a program, and I still don't like it, but it's becoming manageable. Adding sound will prolly be my next barrier, so I don't even want to have to think about that just yet.

Anyway, this here flash animation was brought to my attention, and I had never seen it before. I'm not sure how something like this passed me by on the internet, but better late than never I guess.

Someday when I've mastered Flash, I hope to create something as awe-inspiring and funny as this. I'm sure you've seen this before, so enjoy again.

"F*cking kangaroos."

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Where Do I Start??

A Fulton County Judge has ruled that former defensive back Reuben Houston must be reinstated to the team, and to the University of Georgia Tech.

Why was Houston a former Yellow Jacket you ask? Well, he was charged with being part of a conspiracy to sell over 100 lbs of marijuana on the Tech campus.

The article goes on to talk about how players that get in trouble are treated by Athletic Directors and various head coaches. Some ADs and coaches abide by the 'innocent until proven guilty' way, and do nothing until legal proceedings have worked themselves out. Other ADs and coaches will often suspend a player once charges have been filed, or even just after an arrest.

Both are valid ways of handling a situation. But in Houstons case, it was taken out of the AD and head coaches hands. Houston was suspended by Tech upon arrest and charges being filed. He appealed that suspension. As per due process rules, he was allowed back into school, given his room and board per his scholarship, but not allowed back onto the football team.

He lost that appeal, and subsequently forfeited his scholarship. He then appealed to the courts. The judge has ruled that he must be reinstated, because he was treated differently than the other students at Tech.

HOLD the phone. He is different than the other students at Tech. He's on a FULL athletic scholarship. He gets training table. ( for those not familiar with college athletics, training table is the term used for the food that athletes eat. It is a regimented diet, prepared by full time chefs, and is designed to maximize athletic ability. Lots of pastas, steaks, veggies, etc. Think of the best buffet you ever went to. Now imagine if the food tasted 10X better. That's a college training table. ). He gets tutors that aren't available to the general school populous. He gets preferential class selection to tailor around his athletic schedule. He gets FREE housing. The list goes on and on. Don't even get me started on the treatment he gets from professors.

The judge says that because you wouldn't ask a regular student to leave, means that you can't ask Houston to leave, or kick him off the team. This is a big Pandora's box we're playing with here. A court can supersede a head coaches decision on how to regulate HIS team?

The article talks about 'privilege' vs rights'. The AD of Tech, says it's a privilege to play football there, and that means the university gets to pick who plays there. I agree with him 100%. The author of the article, Roger Cossak, says that he feels that the thought process used by the AD still doesn't mean the university has the right to choose how to punish the offenders. He says that states define driving as a 'privilege', and not a 'right'. Yet if you lose your license, you can go to court to try to get it back.

Cossak is a smart guy. But that was prolly the least thought out argument I've ever heard. If the university can't govern punishment of offenders to their codes, than who can? The university has standards that it requires it's members to adhere to. Making the university look bad, is in contrast to those standards, and the university should be able to punish as it sees fit. Driving on the other hand, is no different. If the state feels you haven't stayed up to it's standards, then it can take away your privilege to drive. You can appeal, and the only recourse you have then, is to go to the courts.

At a college, you can appeal any punishment that is handed down. Instead of going to a state funded court, the university will offer you due process in it's own court system. Tech did that for Houston. They even granted him the ability to return while he was appealing. He lost that appeal. So why did the story not end there?

I really don't understand how this judge feels he can supersede the university's decision. This could cause a real big mess in college athletics. Any lawyers in Miami around the "U" are prolly grinning ear to ear about this one.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

F*CK! It's Cold!!

I hate the cold weather. And while I understand that some people don't like HOT weather, I really do not understand how people can like this ( Nort and my father, I'm looking right at you ). How can you say you like cold weather? What was wrong with this time last week? It wasn't warm, but it sure wasn't like this!

And I sure can't wait for the new Daylight Saving Time to kick in a couple of years from now. Dark at 5PM - WTF? It's so freakin depressing.

That's all I have to say about that.

Funniest thing overheard at work today:

I work in a small office. Low cubicle walls, very open room. After lunch, it was decided that we were gonna do "Secret Santas" in the office this year. $10 maximum on the gift, and each Friday from here till X-Mas, leave a little candy or trinket for your person. So we were told that after a little while, names would be folded up on yellow paper, and if you were at your desk, you'd pull a name. If not, one would be left for you.

So I work next to "K", and about an hour after lunch, "L" comes up to K, holding a yellow piece of paper, and asks what K wants.

K: - "Nothing, I'm fine thanks."
L: - "Oh, you left this note on my desk, I thought you needed something."
K: - "I like Snickers, so since you're in charge of getting me something, please keep that in mind."

Well, after everyone else heard that exchange, we had to start all over and pick new names. Nothing like spending half an afternoon on Secret Santas to keep productivity rockin at the AC.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Hope Bubba Kept the Bunk Warm

Anyone else weirded out by this Steven Avery story that going on? For those non-cheeseheads that come across this blog, Avery was convicted in 1985 for a sexual assault. In 2003, he was released after DNA testing proved that he was innocent.

(interesting side note about the release - The information came back from the crime lab the morning before he was actually released. The judge that read the report, who was actually the same one that sentenced him, read the report before lunch. He wasn't released until the NEXT day. How does that happen? "Excuse me Mr. Avery, you've been found innocent. We should have you out of here sometime tomorrow." )

Well, it turns out that they should have kept him in jail. Not for the sexual assault, but to stop him from committing a crime once he was out. Avery is going to be charged with murdering a woman who came to look at a car on his family's lot.

They've found his DNA in her car, and the key to her car hidden ( not very well ) in his bedroom. They've found charred remains of a female on his property. When told of the evidence against him, even his family turned on him.

You would think that after 18 years in prison, you'd be on your best behavior, especially when you were wrongfully imprisoned for so long. He said all the right things upon his release in 2003, but it would appear now that the guy is just a straight sicko. He said upon his release that while he didn't enjoy his time in there, he was just happy to be out. Well, he's really not going to like it this time.

The whole thing just kinda creeps me out.

This Just In Pt. 2

OMG! There's 'clicks' in college!

The Journal Sentinel, the renowned leader in journalism, placed this article as the headline on JSOnline. Apparently, there's outrage over the fact that college kids tend to hang out with other students that come from the same areas/backgrounds as they do. Shocking isn't it?

shhhhh... don't tell the Journal Sentinel, but I hear that college kids drink alcohol too. Even the underage ones. shhhhhhhhh.

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

So I just finished up an online poker tourney. I've never done one before, but this one was free, so what the hell. And the grand prize was a spot on TV on Celebrity Poker Showdown, so that's not bad right? They've got a couple of entry tourneys left, so if you've got a couple hours to kill, have some fun.

So the one I entered, there were over 1600 people. You got 1500 in chips, and at one point, I was up to 42000 in chips. I lasted until there was only 88 people left. I'm pretty proud of myself, considering I don't consider myself a serious poker player.

I got trapped on my last hand. I had pocket nines, and I played it well. I just got screwed. The flop came up as 9-2-2, which gave me a full house on the flop. I went all in ( 35000 or something at that point ), and got called by someone with over 75000 chips. He had a pair of twos, and that was all she wrote.

Everything was great, until I got moved to that table. Even with 40000 some odd chips, I was the short stack there, and there were a couple of marginal hands that I could have played, but not when you're matched up against someone with twice the money as you.

I can't imagine the people that do nothing but play in real money tournaments online all day. You can't read the other players, it wasn't nearly as fun as playing with real people. Of course my experience of poker has been with friends and alcohol, so maybe that's why.

Monday, November 14, 2005

This Just In

ESPN sucks.

When the hell did Donovan McNabb become "D-Nice"? Stu Scott, you HAVE to stop coming up with 'hoodnames' for every black player. He even called Jerome Bettis "J-Smooth" when going over highlights. First off, Jerome Bettis is "The Bus". It's been that way for almost a decade now. Everyone is okay with that nickname. I think it's pretty cool. No one, not even a cockeyed Sportscenter anchor can go and come up with new ones for Jerome Bettis, let alone anyone. And secondly, Jerome is tipping the scales over 275. I don't know that you can call a large black man, "Smooth", especially when he runs the way Jerome does. That's why they call him the "Bus".

And will someone please throw a rock through a window at ESPN with a note attached, telling them that T.O. isn't playing anymore? He didn't play last week, he's not playing this week, and the Eagles are saying he won't play the rest of the season.

The players ON the field affect the outcome of the games, so please, pretty please, with a cherry on top ESPN, just stick to reporting on the guys that might actually have something to do with winning or losing a game.

I'll even grant you one concession. As long as T.O. is suspended, you can mention him once per episode of Sportscenter. That mention shall go as follows:
Stu Scott:"In our T.O. update segment tonight, we go to John Clayton. John?"
John Clayton: "Thanks Stu. I'm actually over here Stu. No, the other way. Oh my fault, I thought you were looking at Berman. Anyway, T.O. is still at home. Back to you Stu."

When and if he returns, well, then all bets are off. I'd watch something else to get my sports scores, but we have no other alternative.

So in the meantime, we'll listen to Al talk about the spread (which I can bear), and hear John Madden ask where T.O. is tonight. Lucky us.

Whatever Helps

So on this cold sucky Monday, you look for a few things to help you through the day.

My salvation came through my web counter, which reported to me that earlier today, someone came to my blog through Google.

They came across my blog by typing in "Chris Berman retard"

Who ever it was that had enough free time to Google that, thank you. You made this Monday a little more bearable.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Glad That It's Over

So I'm pretty much feeling better now. Having a little trouble producing any saliva, but doc says that could be expected given how much swelling I had before.

You all know being sick blows. But it's not all about the physical sickness. Being sick messes with your mind too. There's only so much TV you can watch, or play the same video games over and over. I'd like to give you an example of the depths of my boredom this past week.

This is a picture I took with my phone ( yes, I know, we're like 2 of the remaining 24 people on the planet without a digital camera ). The college football video game allows you to play as mascots from various schools. Sounds like it'd be a good time killer right? Nope. It's pretty stupid. When you're playing with 'people', they at least look different; linemen are big fat guys, runningbacks are short, and recievers are skinny.

In mascot mode, they're all the same. So when I played against the Orangemen, despite being a HUGE round ball, some of them could run pretty damn fast. And apparently, Bucky Badger is left handed. I know most of you are thinking that wouldn't matter in a video game, but it does!

So in short, any amusement that you would think that you'd get by playing a game this way was matched by your amusement just by looking at the picture. Good idea in theory, and looks cute enough, but not worth wasting your time by playing a whole game.

But it was time I had, and in the end, Bucky Badger 63, Syracuse Orangemen 13. Thank God I'm feeling better.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

"All I Got Was This Lousy ______"

I've made a few references to a few of the players on my team having VD. It's all in good fun. I don't really know if they have VD, but it became somewhat of a joke during the season.

Our kicker/punter, and sometimes QB Brad, got some type of 'disease' early on in the season. He said it was from going to the Dells, and that his doctor thought he got something by ingesting the water up there. Suurrrrre Brad.

Brad's an outstanding guy. I learned a lot from him this season. He's funny, and he's one of the best kickers I've ever seen. He's married, and an engineer. He also had for most of the season, what could only be described as VD.

Over the course of the season, guys would make innocuous comments about various ailments they had - and a recurring theme seemed to be VD related. All the guys from the team (except for me and Willy) are from Muskego. So Willy and I couldn't figure out if it was something in the water that made these boys susceptible to it, or if Willy had to stay away from the Muskego women.

So in the spirit of this running joke, a perfect opportunity came up in a photoshop contest on Fark. For those of you that don't recall, Fark.com has various articles to browse and comment on. Sometimes they run "Photoshop Contests", and either give you an original picture to start with, or a 'theme'.

This time around, the 'theme' was : "I went to ____, and all I got was this lousy _____"

Aside from the team, Nort was really the only other person on the planet in on the joke. So not surprisingly, I only received three votes for my entry.

Click for a larger image. And my apologies to the city council of Muskego. I'm sure they'd tell you that this is not indicative of the whole town, and the 97 residents that it encompasses.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

The New Number One

After having watched my two previous Number Ones get knocked off the mountain, and in one case, suffer a brutal fall from grace, I think the third times a charm. Everyone's got a Number One, for most girls, it's Brad Pitt, and guys, well, they'll pick alot of different Number Ones.

Way back in the day, Britney Spears was my Number One. Keep in mind, I said WAY back in the day. The Catholic school girl Britney. Then came the Madonna worshipping, the Kaballah conversion, and the move into the double wide with that Federline guy. Wow. What a fall from grace. Not so much a fall, as a catastrophic implosion. While no one ever had issue with Britney being my Number One at the time, I feel kinda cheated that she ended up like this. It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

How do her handlers let her become that trashy that fast? Did I miss a memo? So many people were making SO much money off her, how did this really happen? I'm not so much distraught at the fact that it DID happen, but as to HOW it happened. There was SO much potential here. She had the wholesome childhood to fall back on as a Mousecateer(sp?). She dated Justin Timberlake for a while, they so could have become the entertainment powercouple. He must have seen that the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't the sun, but an oncoming train. Best career move he ever made was dumping her. But none of us understood it at the time. Well played Justin.

But rest easy Britney. While I may not be able to look past your marriage and you walking into a truck stop restroom barefoot, I'm sure there's a lot of NASCAR fans that still hold you dear in their hearts as Number One.

So I moved on. I thought I had found my new Number One. She's HOT, had a great television show, and *gasp*, was older. Willy and I argued about that one for a while. She's 32, and sure didn't look it. And I will admit, it was tough to let her go. I still enjoy the show, even though I don't watch it as much as I used to. The transition to the movie career didn't start off so well, but I'm willing to look past "Dude, Where's My Car" because she got all leathered up in "Electra".

Jennifer Garner, please come back to us. You haven't experienced anything like Britney, but you did marry Ben Affleck. While for that reason, and that reason alone, I'd like to be him... I just can't look past that. Your worship of Martha Stewart kinda creeps me out a bit too. Again with the potential. If you would have stayed single, and took a few more risks with the movie career, you could have ruled the world.

But she's still smokin' hot. And she still kicks ass on "Alias". And should anything ever happen to my new Number One, she'll be in the running for the spot again. But somethings would have to change to reclaim it. But as I said, it was tough to let you go. Until I found the NEW Number One.

So with all that said, I'm pretty stoked about my new Number One. She might be young, but she's HOT, sounds intelligent in interviews, seems to be making good career decisions... and is hot. Did I mention she's hot?

Ahhh, Mrs. Keira Knightley. Only a young 20, but all the qualities to stay a Number One for a long time. Good movies so far, and an upcoming "Pirates of the Caribbean 2" coming up. Too bad most of the wardrobe guys in Hollywood are gay, cuz they're missing out on some fun for that film.

The British accent kinda gets me a little too. It's kinda like the southern accent here in the U.S. On a guy, a southern accent ( and I mean DEEP south ), makes him sound just plain dumb. But on a chick.... it's sexy. The British accent never did much for me. Guys sound snobby with it, and I never really cared either way for it when a girl had it. But Keira makes it sound pretty damn good.

She was just on the "Daily Show" doing her press junket for her new movie "Pride and Prejudice", and she really seemed to be enjoying herself. She looked pretty good during the interview too. She didn't take herself too seriously, and even though all the press stuff is 'work' for them, she pulled off the 'girl next door, enjoying the ride' persona very well.

I heard a good line once that I think could apply to Keira....."She's the kinda girl I'd leave the wife and kids on Christmas morning for." Yup. My new Number One. Keira Knightley.

Saved? Or the Calm Before the Storm?

This evening I feel much better. Had a meeting this morning, and was pretty much the same as yesterday, but got to go home, and now this evening I'm hangin' in there. The anti-inflammatory is working pretty good.

And this respite is coming at a pretty good time. I got all the rest of the stuff for Friday's presentation sent to me today, and now we're looking at doubling the presentation. Good times. Hopefully, I can get most of it done here tonight, go in at 7, have them tell me to change everything, and go from there.

(They wouldn't really tell me to change everything, would they?)

On some happier notes:

Banana Joe's ( the bar now famous for Cheerleaders gettin' it on ) - is having 'no cover' this weekend to anyone dressed as a cheerleader. Professional cheerleaders are going to drink for free over the weekend. GREAT marketing tool. Genius.

Also something that caught my eye, the NY Jets have signed a guy that hasn't played organized football since the EIGHT GRADE. How does this happen in the middle of a season? How can there not be ONE other player at that position that played college ball, but didn't get drafted that can't be signed? The article says that "He'll be a project"... so why bring him in now? If you need someone, there's LOTS of street free agents out there. Hey, if anyone from the 49'ers organization comes across this, I'm a QB lookin for a job. I've got a decent arm, and I sure as hell can take a hit. And I've played organized ball past the eighth grade, so I've got that going for me.

I'll be waiting for my call.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The Mumps?!?!?

Seriously, who the f*ck gets the mumps? Well, I might have. There's three viral infections (one of which being the mumps, and that's the most likely one) that have symptoms like I've got. So the doctor sent me home without much hope, cuz there's not much they can do.
Doctor: "Well, you're not going to like what I have to say, but there's nothing we can do, it should go away within 10 days. Unless your testicles double in size in the next week. Then you'll want to go to the emergency room."
Me: "Doc, mumps or not, if my testicles EVER double in size, I'm going to the emergency room."

My jaw is killin' me, and my face looks like I swallowed a helium canister. Good times.

The ibuprophen is helping, and she gave me a prescription for some Vicodin (no, you can't have any), but we'll save those bad boys for the meeting tomorrow.

They're gonna love it tomorrow when I tell everyone in the office that I was really contagious LAST WEEK, when I felt just fine. I'll get some pictures if everyone ends up with fat faces and are unable to move their jaws.

And yes, I did get a shot for this when I was a kid, so how did I still get this? I'm kinda pissed about that. And on top of it, I still will prolly get my annual cold/flu/bug/virus that I get every start to the winter anyway. Color me excited.

Sick Sucks

A bit early this year, but I got my annual flu/cold/bug/virus. Every year, without fail, I wake up one day, and feel like s*it. I am pretty much a train wreck for 2 days, and wake up on the third day back to normal, like nothing happened. Usually this happens after Thanksgiving sometime. Not this year. But this year is a little off as far as what I got. I was a little queasy for a while, but that's pretty much gone away. My neck is swollen, and there's pain radiating up the sides of my head, and it's making my jaw hurt. This has never happened before. Usually I get the queasies, the fever, and the congestion. This year, just the early queasies, fever, and the stupid head pain. No congestion though. Well, yet at least.

Of course I trek it into work on Tuesday ( I knew I could take a short day, but there was just so much to do that I couldn't take the whole day off ), and had to deal with the obligatory "What's wrong?... "You don't look so good."...... YA THINK?

There's only like 10-12 people in my office on a daily basis. Word gets around pretty quick. So fine, everyone ask me how I'm doing at 9 when I show up. But now that you know I feel like laying out on Hwy 100 to make my head feel better by being run over by a truck, don't come by every half hour asking if I feel better, or to tell me I should go home. I know I should go home. But I can't just yet, OR I WOULD BE HOME. Any other week of the year, I would have been able to have the work wait - but not so much this time.

Which really kinda sucks. I am a pretty up beat person at work, but when I get sick, I get ornery. And then sometimes I feel bad that I am short with someone, and then I'll feel worse. I even missed out on dinner with Robyn's parents, her brother and his GF ( the two of them are in from Omaha ), so I felt bad about that too.

Ray ( an owner of the Club ) did compliment me for coming in on Tues. "Matt, I can tell you're not doing well, but I appreciate you coming in, and you still getting this stuff done, or there'd be alot of us that'd be screwed on Friday."
Me: "Good, then remember this when we meet next week to talk over the new job beyotch!"

Well, maybe I didn't say that... outloud. I thought it though.

Alright, back to the work I brought home.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Not THE One I Wanted, But ONE Nonetheless

So after a lengthy process, I didn't get the promotion I wanted. Instead, I was offered a promotion that I wasn't even aware was available. So it all kinda works out in the end. I really would have liked the job that I had put in for, and think that I would have done a very good job at it. But I am encouraged that they think I can be more useful in this new position. Ray (one of the owners) called me into his office to talk about this week (more on that in a bit), and he then informed me that he had offered the job to Sarah. All indicators were that it was pretty much a coin-flip between myself and her, but a few of the things I was able to accomplish and help out with in the last 2 months gave Ray the idea that he could still promote me, and work in tandem with the position I wanted.

I should find out some more details by next week. It sounds like the new job will still have components from what I do now, but there will be more computer work, and some authority attached with it. One of the examples that we talked about was the new job would help be responsible for overseeing the implementation of a new POS system. So I'm pretty stoked. I really like working for the company, and they've treated me pretty well. Like many jobs in the club, it prolly won't have an exact title, so when I find out more of the job specifics, I'll come up with one for you.

This is actually a really hectic week at work, which is a change of pace from the last six months. I've actually got alot on my plate, with a deadline of Thursday to get everything done. There's a huge meeting on Friday, so basically, I'm doing all the work, and two other people will present all the information at the meeting on Friday. And while this work is directly related to the position I wanted and didn't get, I'm actually happy to do it. Being a lifesaver this week is a good little tidbit to keep in my back pocket.

So not a bad way to start the week. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm back to my map that's due on Thursday.

The Century Club

100 posts. I've actually enjoyed writing here much more than I had thought I would. I've never kept a journal, and never liked any composition class I took. But this has been fun. So here's to the next 100. I enjoy the comments as well. It's interesting to see some reactions to what my mind places in this medium.

So on this 'anniversary', I thought I'd explain the address of the blog. Some of the football guys, and newbies to the site have asked, and I've put off explaining it until now. So since it's not going away anytime soon, here's how the moniker "Kuflax" came about.

I used to live in a house in Brookfield with two other guys. Being guys, we often just referred to each other by last names. My last name is Kufahl, which is pretty unique in and of itself. But one weekend afternoon, a few of the roomies friends were over, and as usual, had been drinking. The friends were from Hartford, and for the most part, a good bunch of guys. We had a bar setup in the basement, so our house became the congregation point for the large group.

I had a baseball game that afternoon, and was working my way around the house getting ready to leave for the game - getting the uni out of the dryer, gathering equipment, etc. One of the guys, Stachura ( I know I misspelled it, but it doesn't matter ) was trying to get my attention by shouting out my last name. I hadn't known him all that long, and he wasn't getting it right. "Kufenhagen! Kufanschlagel! Kufmeister!" etc. I walked past him a few times while he and a couple of other guys sat in the living room playing video games. The other guys, ( Willy and others ) thought it was funny that he was on a roll like this. So after a few more tries, he shouts out, "I've got it! KUFLAX!"

This was met with unanimous approval from the group, followed by laughter that didn't stop until I left, and it stuck. I came back from the game later that night, and everyone was playing drinking games in the basement. Everyone had a cup that they claimed their own, and had nicknames written on the cup. There was mine, waiting for me.. with KUFLAX emblazoned on the side. I should have known then that it wasn't going to go away.

So in what I thought was going to be a passing fad, turned into more of a permanent name. I began getting introduced as Kuflax, or just as Flax. People thought nothing of it, and after a month or so, I knew this is who I was. I am still often introduced as Flax. Even when people know me by my given name, and then they hear "Flax", they tend to embrace the new name.

Willy introduced it to the team sort of on accident. We don't really think twice about it, so when I went in at one point, he shouted out something to the effect of "Go Kuflax!", which got everyone asking him who that was. So now someone like Simonsen has picked up on it, and I don't even think he knows my real name. Jesse from the team used it at work, and they've started using it. At this point, I'm thinking it won't take much before I'm at the old folks home, and they're yelling out, "Hey Flax, wanna play shuffleboard?".

The funniest part about the whole thing, was an episode with an ex girlfriend. I had been dating her for about a month when she saw my drivers license. She asked my why my license said "Kufahl" on it. I said that was my last name, and why she would ask something like that. She replied by saying, "Oh, I thought your last name was Kuflax, that's what everyone calls you."

So that's it. I've come to terms with who I am. I embrace it. I am Kuflax.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Is This Heaven? No, It's Charlotte

I might quite possibly have been waiting my WHOLE life for a story like this, and it didn't even make the front page of ESPN.com.

If this article came out on April 1st, I wouldn't believe it. But I guess Christmas came a little early this year in Charlotte.

I'm not even really sure what to say about this story. I'm almost speechless. Which is kinda disconcerting, given the topic at hand.

The two girls pictured above are cheerleaders for the Carolina Panthers of the NFL. Apparently, they were having sex with each other in the bathroom of a bar. And apparently, patrons of this bar became upset with how long they were in the bathroom for, so the police got called.

Let me say that again, cuz it was fun to say. Two NFL cheerleaders were caught having sex with each other. I was just complimenting the Bucs cheerleaders, and then the Panthers "TopCats" go and take the cake for the year. God Bless them.

I want to move to Charlotte. Nothing this cool will EVER happen in Milwaukee. I really don't know what else to say. I wish I had some insightful commentary on this.... but all I really got is ..... Cheerleaders gettin' it on! Woo Hoo!

Fun With Photoshop

I was messing around with a custom filter, and made these by accident. Turned out pretty good. So how come, when I would need to do something like this, I wouldn't be able to do so, but when I'm not trying, good things like this happen?

Click for a bigger image.

Same deal, click for a larger image.

You know the drill.

My Dogs Are Killin' Me

Well, not so much this week. I've only got a couple of dogs, and I'm feelin' pretty good about 'em. I'm back with my silly football prognostication. I can only imagine 2-4 people enjoy an entry like this, so for the rest of you I apologize. We'll be back to talking about hummers real soon, I promise.

And for someone like my mom, who will read this, the first team listed is who I picked, a negative number means they have to win by at least that many. A positive number means they have to win outright, or lose by less than that many. Home team in caps.

Cincy (-3) vs BALTIMORE
Jamal Lewis is committing another crime by the way he's playing. Now that Daunte Culpepper is out, Jamal and T.O. are having a special runoff election for biggest fantasy killer. There's no way he turns it around against the Cincy defense. I will then be seen wearing a F*CK JAMAL t-shirt when he gets benched in favor of Chester Taylor. How dare you kill two of my fantasy teams.

Atlanta (-2.5) vs MIAMI
I love one of Willy's big football thoughts in regards to the QB position, and I fully agree with him. He biatches about how Vick was supposed to revolutionize the position, and be the next big thing. All QBs coming out of college would be mobile, defense killing machines. QBs would be a threat to run AND pass, and that's how you would win games. So here's a list of QBs that have PLAYED in a Superbowl since Vick came in the league - Tom Brady(3), Kurt Warner, Brad Johnson, Rich Gannon, Jake Delhomme, Donovan McNabb. All pocket passers. McNabb has some quick feet, and I could prolly beat all the others in a footrace. Some revolution huh?
So with all that said, Miami is still a big question mark, and while Vick won't win any championships anytime soon, I just can't justify taking Gus Ferrotte.

MINNESOTA (pick-em) vs Detroit
Yeah, yeah. The love boat. Culpepper blew out a knee, and is out for like three and a half years. But what a week to get Detroit on the schedule. And not just Detroit, but no Garcia means Harrington is coming to town. Plus, Minny's backup QB is the aforementioned Brad Johnson. Given the way Daunte stunk up the joint in the first half of the season, this is actually an upgrade.

San Diego (-6.5) vs NY JETS
Last time I said that Brooks Bollinger got his 15 min of fame with his start, and now that Vinny was back in town, he'd be too busy pickin' splinters out of his butt again. Then Vinny goes down, and Brooks leads them on a TD drive. So here's hoping that Brooks doesn't play again (tempting the football gods), cuz this pick is one of those that if you think about it too much, you can almost talk yourself into changing it.

Carolina (-1.5) vs TAMPA BAY
Chris Simms. Behold the power of a name. This kid went something like 1-10 against top 15 teams in his college career. He played at freakin' Texas! I could QB at Texas, and win more than one game against top 15 teams, just based on the talent I'd be surrounded with. Now I know TB has been playing well, but the Panthers defense should be enough to confuse Simms. On an unrelated note, while doing my 'research' on the teams for the picks, I came across the Cheerleader section for the Bucs, and was pretty impressed. The Eagle cheerleaders had always set the standard in years past, but other squads are catching up. Very well done ladies, but not enough to convince me to take the Bucs.

Tennessee (+3) vs CLEVELAND
One of the dogs. I think Cleveland is bad enough to screw this one up. Plus, I might be getting Steve McNair next week in one of my leagues, so he'll just blow up this week with 5 TD passes, then suck it up once he's on my roster.

Jacksonville (-13.5) vs HOUSTON
Ugh. 13.5 is a lot of points to get, but it is Houston. Jax's defense is pretty good, and Houston's offense actually has negative yards for the season. Okay, maybe not negative, but they're pretty terrible. Funniest rumor I heard today about T.O. - that he'll end up in Houston. I hope he does. That could be high comedy.

Chicago (-3) vs NEW ORLEANS
Well, not really AT New Orleans. Baton Rouge I think. The Saint's REALLY need a win here, but everytime I pick them ( except week one ) they screw me. So while I think the Bears will win, I'm secretly hoping because I didn't pick the Saints, they'll win, and then I can laugh at Sky Dork.

Seattle (-4) vs ARIZONA
Only 4 points? Sign me up. These are two teams that in the grand scheme of things, I could really care less about, so lets just move on.

NY Giants (-11) vs SAN FRANSISCO
Eli, Tiki, Shockey, and Burress going against a terrible defense. Could be fun. Plax has been the only bright spot on either of my fantasy teams. And while I think the Giants will cover, I'm not totally sold on Eli yet. Sure, he's played very well in the last 3 weeks, but 3 weeks a QB does not make. Tommy Maddux played great for a stretch of 10 games a couple of years ago. So lets not put Eli on par with his brother just yet.

GREEN BAY (+3.5) vs Pittsburgh
No Big Ben, so they're going with the question mark of Charlie Batch. I'd feel alot better with my pick if the Steelers were starting Maddox. While I did say a few weeks back that the Pack would go 1-10, I'm thinking if there's a game in this tough stretch they can win, it's this one. If Ben was playing, I'd say not, but who knows? They held Cincy's offense to 21 points, even though they turned the ball over 5 times. Then again, this could just be a pick of numbers. Eventually the Pack has to win again.... right? At some point? It has to be possible... right?

WASHINGTON (-3) vs Philadelphia
They sent T.O. home. McNabb is still playing very hurt. They can't run the ball. Easy pick right? Well, Washington just got out from behind the woodshed that the Giants took 'em behind, so I'm not feeling very confident in this pick either way. But this could be a defining game for the 'Skins. Can they bounce back? They need to, so I'm hoping they do, or at least enough to cover.

Indy (-3) vs NEW ENGLAND
If the Patriots this week were called the "Clam Chowders", and they wore different colored jerseys, and they played their games in Vermont, this spread would be ALOT higher. On paper, the Colts should dominate. But you know all the sidelines, and because it is Patriot week, and it's in Gillette Stadium, the spread is where it is. But heck, even the Packers were able to vault over the hurdle that was the Cowboys in the mid '90s, and the Colts are primed to make that same move.

I may have set the record for taking the visiting team this week. I've only picked 3 home teams to cover. Yikes.

In other football news, this Saturday was sure "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" for college football.

The Good: Notre Dame vs Tennessee. ND goes up 21-3, looks like a rout, Tenn comes back to tie it up, then ND takes over again. Go Irish!

The Bad: Wisconsin. Need I say more? Not for Wisconsin, but there's a small part of me that's happy that if they were gonna lose the Big Ten, that they did so against Joe Pa, and in Happy Valley. I've told you my Golden Dome trip, so sometime I'll have to tell you the Happy Valley trip that me and Willy took. Good times. Will:"Dude, I almost hit a dog." Me: "We're in the middle of NOWHERE!" Will:"Yup. And hey, next time, warn a brother."

The Ugly: Miami and Virgina Tech. I don't really like either of these teams, but I HATE Miami. And the whupped up on VT. And of course, it was on Primetime on ESPN. They've done more games at VT than anywhere else since I've been following college football. What is it about that place? Makes me not like them.

Last week, 7-7
Overall, 61-55

Friday, November 04, 2005

Open Mic

-gonna be a busy posting day, I can feel it

So I guess that Thursday was "If you're a paid athlete, you should say something REALLY f*cking stupid" day.

Terrell Owens was bitching about the fact that the Eagles didn't do anything to commerate his 100th TD reception. He said that had it been someone else, they would "have shot off fireworks around the stadium or something". What a horkin' tool. How is the 99th TD any different from the 100th? Where do you draw the line? Should receivers get fireworks for 50tds? What about the 125th? How bout you shut your overpaid f*cking trap, and do your job?

And then there's the newest Green Bay Packer. Jeremy Thornburg made quite a splash on Thursday when asked what position he played by a reporter.
"Free Safety. I have played strong safety alot too. I could prolly play corner, but I might be the wrong color."

Three guesses as to what 'color' Thornburg is.

He actually looks ALOT like my good buddy Tommy Eckl. Have a look for yourself.

We just got done with this a few days ago with the Fischer DeBerry mess. He got a pass because he's like 82 years old. It will be interesting to see how this one plays out.

And my last "Open Mic" entry comes from not an athlete, but the embodiment of a non-athlete, in Chris Berman of ESPN fame. Berman was doing some highlights that involved the World Series. He was talking about Paul Konerko, who had a grand slam in one of the WS games.

Berman was trying to explain the significance of the grand slam. See, Konerko had 40 home runs during the regular season, but none of which were grand slams. But that's not exactly what came out of 'Boomer's' mouth.

"This grand slam in the World Series is Konerko's first grand slam of the year, even though he had forty hummers during the regular season." About three min later in the highlight package, Berman sort of backtracked, saying;

"By the way, earlier, I meant homers." He was talking about football at that point, and prolly made it worse by the way late correction. I was still laughing at this point, thinking that there were guys in a truck somewhere saying, "Oh my God? What did he just say?"... and then yelling in his ear piece for him to correct it.

40 hummers for a pro baseball player? What do you think the over-under is on hummers for a MLB player over the course of a season? Pro basketball players tend to get a lot of tail, and some of them are down right UGLY. Baseball players travel more, so you'd have to factor that into the equation. If I wasn't actually going to have to do work at work later, I'd come up with a formula. Even the married ones still gotta be getting some for the amount of ching they pull in every year. More so than the Exxon guy from below.

Well, I feel better. I started off with a rant about T.O., and ended the conversation talking about hummers. All is well with the world.

Better the Second Time Around

Despite my bitchings about code, I'm still having fun with web design. I'm still not nearly as good at it as I'd like to be, but it's fun to learn and to play with.
So tonight, I made a web album. When you actually learn to use the software correctly, it's a huge timesaver. Duh. God bless the programmers that think of this stuff. What could have taken 30-40 hours if done by hand, was finished in about 3 with help of a batch program.

For the Traveling Circus, when I put photos up on that site, I had only about 32 pictures, and like a RETARD, I made thumbnails and new picture pages BY HAND. Yes, that was stupid, but so was leaving the team without kicking someone in the balls.

For my new baby, the Muskego Hitmen site, I added 171 pictures in just under the aforementioned 3 hours. ***high fives self*** And that includes the FTP time ( transferring the pics from my comp to the server ), which took its sweet time over the DSL line.

I even added a flash button! Woo hoo! My first! ***pats self on back*** Although I can't change the sound it makes when you use the button, but I'll work on that. ***pats self on back for the sound itself, even if self doesn't like it***

So as if there isn't enough on the internet to look at, now I've given you something else to do for a half hour at work. Check it out peeps.

More Chins Than A Chinese Phonebook

Check out this photo of the CEO of Exxon Mobil....

Them are some jowls. But he's uber rich, so I bet he's got a hot wife. Ladies, does money really make that much difference? I realize it's billions we're talking about... but c'mon! Look at those jowls! Now think of the rest of him, and tell me if you still feel like having lunch today.

And let me get this straight... six months ago, with LESS demand for gas, you raised gas prices to almost 3 bucks a gallon... and now, with more demand ( heating season ), you're producing enough gas that prices are down 70 cents..... all the while you've recorded record profits. I really should take an economics class so that I don't always feel like I'm getting bent over by huge corporations.

Look at that chin! If we could somehow merge him with the server with enormous hands, we'd have a gold mine for the circus.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

And Then the Clowns Cried

I found a brief follow up story to the uber-offensive tombstones that were part of some Halloween Decorations in Centerville, Mn. The story is short enough to copy and paste here, avoiding the clicky-goodness.
Racy tombstones replaced by others
Updated: 10/28/2005 08:46:49 AM
Halloween tombstones offend neighbors (Oct. 25)Although a Centerville woman has agreed to remove several suggestive Halloween tombstones, the controversy is far from over.
The tombstones each have names that double as puns, such as I.P. Freely and Ben Dover. Some of the names, however, are offensive to Heather Pranke’s neighbors and some passers by.
Pranke agreed to remove three of the most offensive tombstones, but those are being replaced by six more.
As Pranke was installing the additional signs, a driver yelled out “They’re disgusting!”
Robert Nelson, her neighbor two doors down, thinks the humor is not appropriate for such a public display. “Some things are better for a bar than a front yard,” said Nelson. “There were some that rhyme with duck.”
Pranke hopes her neighbors are less offended with the new signs, which include such names as ‘Mia Butreaks’ and ‘Ilene Dover.’
“I just want everyone to enjoy my sense of humor as much as I do,” says Pranke.

What a sad, sad city.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Workout Vs. Beer and Pizza

Workout won over tonight. Mostly because I didn't have any beer in the house.

With our season woefully over, I am free to workout like a banshee now. Lucky me. You'll be surprised to know, that even though I work for a health club, I don't like to workout. At least not to the point of exhaustion. During the season, I'm a fan of working out, because I can do moderate workouts to stay in shape, and stay injury free.

In the offseason, when you actually have to lift very heavy weights, and run obscene amounts on the treadmill.... I'd rather be poked in the ear with a dentist's drill. I know it's good for you, and I HAVE to do it. I've got my work cut out for me it I want to compete for the QB job next year. And like I said about looking forward to training camp, perhaps this offseason I'll enjoy the workouts a little more, knowing that my efforts will be appreciated by the coaching staff this time around.

Photo Tuesday

Bob got some great shots from our game on Saturday.

We had a player that got ejected from the game in the 4th quarter. It actually wasn't this guy. But you can't tell from this pregame pic.

Dance 'till you can't dance no more. Despite most of us being graceful athletes, sometimes when you look at a split second of movement, it doesn't look so graceful.

Then there's ones that make Kaegerbauer look like he's getting ready for Mr. Myagi.

If you've had a beer or two, don't spend too much time trying to figure out what happened to #15's legs.

I like the contrast of this one.

Okay, I can't look at these anymore. If I was a woman, I might cry over the memory of this game. I'm working on getting all the pics from all the games on the Hitmen site. Yeah, cuz that won't be much work. I'll let you know when that finishes.