Monday, October 31, 2005

Simply the Best

The Complete Calvin and Hobbes collection is coming out for X-mas, and in conjunction with that, Universal Syndicate is reprinting several Calvin and Hobbes comics in newspapers, leading up to Dec.31, the 10 year anniversary of the end of the strip.

As my family knows, Calvin and Hobbes was my favorite strip. They got me the books, and I read them till they were dog-eared. I got an "A" on a project in the 6th grade, for making an enlarged Hobbes. We were learning about how they make billboards, and the process of how they make a copy of a normal page the size of a billboard. So we were given an assignment of taking something from the funny papers and using the grid method we learned, make a big replica of a character. I was the only one that picked a character from Calvin and Hobbes. I wish I still had that Hobbes I made.

Very interesting article about the creator, Bill Watterson, here. The collection books that he narrates in the beginning, really give you extra appreciation for what he did.

On a different plane, here's an interesting article I found that makes the case that "Fight Club" is really Calvin and Hobbes all grown up.

No strip even came close to C&H. "Get Fuzzy" is a good one, but it's not the same. I read C&H as a kid, and it had appeal. Sure, some of the Calvin strips read a little different as an adult, but that just adds to the appeal.

For Halloween:

For deer season:

Shooting a guy in an office? This idea would never fly today. But this strip cracks me up years later. Good idea, mixed with good art. Click the comic to see a bigger version for a better read.

For me:

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Upset Saturday

The Madison Seminoles pulled off the upset on Saturday, defeating the Muskego Hitmen 22-0 in the National Conference title match. Not to take anything away from the Seminoles, as they did play a good game, but we didn't play that well at all. We moved the ball on the first drive, taking up almost the whole first quarter ( the game is played with a rolling clock ), and after a redzone turnover, we just couldn't get anything going again.

They had a couple of deep passes when it counted, and our defense didn't pressure the qb into any mistakes, an uncharacteristic day for the defense.

Despite the bad taste left in my mouth over this last game, I can't explain how happy I am with the team. I have found a new home, and it feels great. The guys on the team are awesome, and if we can get most everyone back, there's no reason why we can't compete for the title next year. I'm excited about being a bigger factor in the title chase next year, and CAN'T wait for training camp to open.

Willy said it best after the game, that the team welcomed myself, Willy, Miick, and Lueck on the team, despite not knowing anything about us. I can't thank them enough for giving me a second chance at a football life. I've never looked forward to the next training camp before. Anyone want to go throw around for a while?

Friday, October 28, 2005

Safety Tips

  • Two things I don't like in this world - Getting up early, and cold weather.
  • It's 7:15 in the morning as I type this ( I'll get to my real work, don't worry ), and there was frost on the car this morning. Think I had a happy start to the day?
  • At least it's Friday, so I can wear jeans to work, and be out by 2.
  • I think the phrase "TGIF" is one of the silliest things the human brain ever came up with. We can put a man on the moon, but we felt the need to come up with an acronym for another day of the week. Most people still have to go to work on Friday, it's not that much different from the other days of the week. I've never seen a "TGIW" bumper sticker.
  • But a more ridiculous idea than TGIF was to name a restaurant chain after it. I do like their food, but feel kinda silly that I'm going to a place called TGIF. Especially if I go on a Tuesday.
  • I normally use an electric razor, but recently started using blades. Despite the extra time it takes, I like the blades better. I do find it difficult to get all parts of my upper lip with these enormous razor heads that have to hold 3,4,5 blades. I always wondered what most guys use. Electrics are just so fast and convenient, but has anyone found an electric that does as good a job as a regular razor?
  • Conference championship game tomorrow beyotches. 3pm, Milwaukee Sports complex. Check out the Hitmen website for more details.
  • No, there's still no Flash animations or tools on the site yet. I still hate that farkin' program.
  • "A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing." I always liked that quote, but don't know who said it. Anyway, I follow politics just enough to be dangerous, but not enough that I can go off on a rant here. But I did like what Willy had to say about the Miers debacle.
  • I went a little out of my way to class last night, past the art supply store. Almost bought the stuff for tombstones.
  • Peter Fitzensider, Howie Feltersnatch, Mike Oxlong
  • "Aaaaaah! She just hit him with the bible!!!!!! Hahahaha!!!!!" Voice sounds just like my friend Skippy. Good stuff.
  • Todd Bertuzzi should not have been allowed back in the NHL until Steve Moore returned.
  • Funny headline in the Onion this week.... "Trick or Treaters to be subject to random bag checks, Homeland Security says." Ha.

Alright, that's all for now peeps.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Hugh Jorgan Unavailable For Comment

How are there some people out there that have NO F*CKING sense of humor?!?!?!???

There's a house in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area that has decorated the yard for Halloween. They have the cobwebs, and skeletons, and a few tombstones. Sounds harmless right? Well, the names on the Tombstones are causing a stink with the neighbors, and now the mayor and city council are trying to get involved. ( story here )

Names on the tombstones include, but not limited to; Mike Hunt, Ben Dover, and Phil McCracken, I.P. Freely, and Hugh Jass.

A neighbor, Nancy Bowring, finds this unacceptable. "I find this offensive," she says, "It clearly crosses the line."

Clearly crosses the line!??!?!? WTF??!?! Didn't this lady ever crack a smile at a fart joke in her life once? Maybe even a knock-knock joke? What line does this cross? How in the fark is this unacceptable?? This really saltens my crockles. The mayor of Centerville (the suburb that the atrocities are displayed) said that she will be working with the city council on Tuesday to see if the city can forcibly remove the tombstones. City officials are trying to determine if this violates a city nuisance order. WTF????

I posted earlier about gov't officials spending their time on stupid sh*t, and this is an open and shut case. How does the mayor not tell this Nancy lady to STFU???? Ten residents have filed complaint with the city. GET A FREAKIN LIFE JAGBAGS.

I live RIGHT across the street from an elementary school. I just might have to go to the art store today and buy some cardboard grade poster board. Trust me, I've got a lot of names like this. When I worked for Verizon, we had to go to 'class' to learn the computer system. My buddy Jason ( the asst. manager at the time ) had to go with me. They made you use an offline system, and you'd enter in new "customers", and play with the settings etc.... so Jason and I spent most of the time coming up with / Googling good customer names.

Think the city of Tosa would get mad if I set up 10-15 tombstones in my yard? If my neighbors and city officials are anything like the humorless empty souls in Centerville, maybe I'll get on the news. I can understand someone having a lousy sense of humor, but absolutely NO sense of humor? Why even get out of bed? What a sad way to go through life.

Anyway, here's my list. Feel free to suggest some more of your own - cuz I KNOW some of you have the time to do this.

Emmerson Bigguns
Heywood Jablomi
Dixie Normus
Mike Hawk
Craven Moorhead
I.C. Weener
Sharon Peters
Hugh Jasperson
Betty Humpter
Phil Herrup
*Simpsons Ref* - Ivanna Hugnkis - Homer Sexual - Al Coholic
*Austin Powers* - Ivanna Humpalot
Lo Wang
Connie Linguis
Phil Laschio
Buster Hymen
Emmerson Bigguns ( my fav, worth repeating )

Not Going Anywhere For A While?

Now Kevin Jones knows how I felt when I played for the Milwaukee Traveling Circus.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Busy Day

Lots happened when I was away from the TV and internet.

Bucks traded Desmond Mason, and Fischer DeBerry made some 'interesting' comments.

I'm off to practice, but I'll discuss the Mason trade with my d-lineman friend that knows basketball on the way - and I'll get to DeBerry when I get home.

Damn the internet nazis at work!! This is stuff I should be prepped to write about when I get home!!

Mine Eyes, They Go Blind

At first I didn't add the pictures above to enliven the blog. I was going crazy working on some flash animations, that I had to take time out and push the reset button for my brain. I did so by putting a picture of a squirrel and his enormous testicles, a surprised baby monkey, and a yelling actor up above.

The healing powers of funny pictures can do the mind wonders.

So now it's back to the flash project for school. I'm still a bit ahead of the class, they're still doing some HTML stuff, but you can see what I've started here. You need the flash plug in ( most new comps should have it ), and a higher screen resolution and some speakers.

Okay, okay. That's not really my project. But OH MY GOD. That's all done with flash. Someday, maybe like 23 years from now, I'd like to make the Hitmen Site that cool. I think I just spent a whole 45 min looking around that 2Advanced website. That Experimental section is pretty cool.

Well, I'm going back to my crappy "Ball turns into Square, which changes color, then moprhs into three words across the screen" flash project. Damn you programmers. But for the two of you that have more free time at work, if you want something more interactive than the above site, check out Sodaplay. Go to the 'zoo', and mess with the gravity, and other 'forces'. Kept me busy for another half hour.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

How's That Feel?

Came across an article about AJ Pierzynski. He is the catcher for the Chicago White Sox. He's the guy that was in the play against the Angels that EVERYONE has seen by now - the one where he 'struck' out, but ran to first after the ball was almost in the dirt. Anyway, the article has pictures of him out at a bar, doing shots off various girls and licking one of the necks of the bartenders. I'd link to the article, but most of the ads on the page are not safe for work, but it shouldn't take much work in Google to find a similar article.

Pierzynski is married, with a newborn at home.

Oh the shocker you say? A multi millionaire athlete drinking and flirting with girls in a bar? That's not breaking news. It made mention because AJ has a reputation of being a douchebag. He was with the Giants, and most people in the Giants clubhouse hated him, and said he was a selfish asshole. Which is saying alot because he shared that clubhouse with Barry Bonds. He stayed relatively quiet when he spent a brief time with the Twins, but his being a dickhead surfaced again with the Sox, when he purposely stepped on a player sliding into home plate.

Now I understand that just some people aren't nice. But this one got me. When he was with the Giants, he was out during pregame warmups. Even though he was a catcher, he was required to take a few groundballs before every game. One particular afternoon, he took a groundball to the nuts. While he was doubled over in pain, a trainer came out to tend to him. The trainer put his hand on AJ's shoulder, and kindly asked how he was feeling. AJ sat up, looked at the trainer, and proceeded to punch the trainer in the balls, saying, "Like this!"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry when I read that. What a donkey. But I'm feeling conflicted because I don't know if I should have laughed that hard when I read that story.

The Nine Scariest Words

So lemme see if I got this straight....

We're going to pay more money in taxes on something that doesn't work, to save money down the road??????

Article on taxes being raised to pay for MMSD here. Someone with an accounting background needs to explain most of the rest of the article for me.

Also, I don't own property (yet), but the end of the article slips in the fact that property taxes are going up 10.4% this year. Over ten percent!!

My last rant about the city, is that I want to know who's the stupid f*ck that decided that the new Marquette interchange doesn't need an off ramp to Plankinton?? They're going to leave the 6th street off ramp off 794, but you will be forced to take the curve onto 6th, and will NOT be able to cross the bridge over to Plankinton and or Water St. So to get to Water St, or points east of there, you will be forced to go up to Wisconsin Ave, and take that east to your destination. Yeah, cuz THAT'S not crowded enough already. Idiots.

Also, you get bonus points if you know what the Nine Scariest Words in the English Language are.... and who said them. C'mon Willy, I know you know this one. Nick should be up on his politics to remember this one too.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Get Nort A Beer

And keep all the sharp objects away from him.

The Packers just lost their starting runningback for the year. So if you're keeping track, that makes two of the top three wideouts gone, and two of the top three runningbacks out.

Mix in a defense that isn't playing that well, and an offensive line that is a shell of its former self... and well, we need to make sure Nort doesn't wear a tie to work.

And if that's not bad enough, the upcoming schedule looks like this.... Cincy, Pittsburgh, Atlanta, Minny and Phily.


1-10? Good thing I pay attention to college football. Then later on I can post all about the top 5 players in the draft. One that we're going to get.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

The Dogs of War

So yeah, I apologize for mailing it in last week. I enjoy writing this here blog ( and I have to try to stop using the word 'blog' in my blog, as for some unknown reason that I've mentioned in this blog, the spell checker inside of Blogger does not recognize the word 'blog'. Okay now that's out of my system.... ) - and will make an effort to make sure there's more crap for you to peruse more often.

*the side note to this post, is that is was written on Wednesday, and is being posted tonight. Any changes are noted with italics.*

I have to wonder if bookies sweat out weeks like this in the NFL as much as the bettors do. Only three games with a spread of 3.5 or higher?? Are you kidding me? My confidence pool picks are prolly going to SUCK this week, but as long as I stay ahead of Nort, then all is well with the world.

But I've been holding my own in the pick-em league with the boys. You pick the games based on the spread. I'm just barely keeping my head above water for the season so far. So in a poor attempt at humor, and with all due respects to Bill Simmons ( who's column I am blatantly stealing this idea to do this from ) - here's the picks for the week.

For the uninformed, home team in caps, first team listed is who I've picked, and the number is the spread. A negative number means my team has to WIN by at least that amount, a positive number indicates that my team can still lose the game, but by less points than that number, and I still get the pick correct.

Kansas city (+1.5) over MIAMI
I'm just not sold on Miami yet. I was going to make a case for teams that try to split carries with the runningbacks, as Miami is going to try with Brown and Williams, but they're playing KC, and then well, you see the problem. As for Brown, they made him into a STUD in Madden 05, and I think he's going to be the real deal down the road. You see him take that SHOT and then scamper another 60yds for a TD? Wow. Update - KC won 30-20. This was also the first time EVER in the NFL that a team traveled and played on the same day. Interesting fact. Who the f*ck looked that one up?

st. louis (-3.0) over NEW ORLEANS
Update- I fell on my head when I made that pick. I erased what I had wrote, because it made no sense after reading it again. No Bulger scares me now. I don't know why it didn't on Wednesday. The good news is that I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance. That, and everyone else in the pick-em league took St. Louis.

green bay (-2) over MINNESOTA
As much as the Green Bay defense scares the hell out of me as a fan, I just couldn't come up with one good reason to take Minnesota. I have an image of Mike Tice in his office at midnight watching film all alone stuttering like Milton from Office Space. The only thing that would make the Love Boat/Whizzinator/Tice/Owner named Ziggy/Culpepper meltdown/broken stadium deal/ any better would be if this happened to the Bears, or if Sky Dork was a Vikings fan.

san diego (+4) over PHILY
Tough one. Best player in the game with Tomlinson, but I still can't get a good read on the Chargers. They dismantled the Champs, but we're finding out the Pats aren't as good as advertised perhaps. But the Eagles were supposed to be the toast of the NFC, and they got waxed by a Bledsoe led Cowboys team. I think the points look pretty nice here.

WASHINGTON (-12.5) over SF
I asked coach at practice if I could get some more time in at QB during our Hitmen games so that I could get some game film of me playing to send to the Niners. They just traded the ONLY experienced QB on their roster. From a time when they had BOTH Montana and Young on the roster, to this. I'm glad I'm not a Niners fan right now.

CINCY (-1) over Pittsburgh
Ugh. You could make prolly 35 solid arguments to go either way with this one. Big Ben is back, but I'm on the Carson Palmer bandwagon right now. He's played well, and this is THE test of the season as far as defenses he'll face. A coin flip says he passes the test.

Indy (-16) over HOUSTON
Not that I always adhere to it in this here space where I write things down, but they say, 'if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all'. Well, I like the Texans uniforms and logo. With that being said, why do I have the feeling that even if the line was 29 points, it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine all of us taking the Colts? Update - We all took the Colts.

CLEVELAND (-3) over Detroit
Mooch is high on car fumes in Detroit if he doesn't turn the keys over to Garcia the INSTANT Garcia shows he's field ready. Here's what I don't get - how long of a leash do QBs in the NFL get? Ask Nort how short my leash was as a QB of the Milwaukee Traveling Circus..... it was about 4 plays. Harrington is still being touted as the possible future. At what point do you just rip the band-aid off?

Dallas (+3) over SEATTLE
Seattle ends up screwing me in one way or another each week, so this week prolly won't be any different. Dallas is getting the points, but most likely won't have Jones running the ball. But it's a Parcells offense, and he's shown before that he can plug guys in RB for the short term and be okay. The playoff hopes of the Cowboys rest on Julius ( a ND grad btw ) Jones' shoulders. But the Seahawks are just too much of a question mark for me to not take the points this week. Update - everyone else took Seattle, and since they'll screw me again this week, you boys have to thank me for my pick, and assuring that you get at least one point on me.

Bufflao (+3) over OAKLAND
Holcomb is an upgrade over JP, and McGahee is a damn good back. Buffalo has been up and down this year, but I'll think they'll take the points against a Randy-less Raider team. I don't have much to say about Oakland, except my fav quote from Will about Kerry Collins.... "He's about one Seven and Seven away from being out of the league!!" Update - Speaking of Kerrys.... I flip-flopped on this one for a while. In the straight up pick-em pool ( no spreads ), I took Oakland just to annoy myself. So we need to hope that Oakland wins the game, but by no more than 2 points. Everyone together now......."Good luck with that one Flax."

NY GIANTS (-2) over Denver
And on the topic of short leashes.... Plummer is a classic example of this. He's an average QB. In Arizona, he was surrounded by NO talent, and he didn't play well. In Denver, he's got talent around him, and people consider him the answer. No.... he just plays well within the system, and won't lose the game for you. So people will always keep expecting that he'll turn it on, and that expectation will never die. If he got traded to SF tomorrow, the pundits would be bashing him for poor play. I don't understand that. Anyway, Giants at home, Denver is due for a slide right about now.

ARIZONA (-3.5) over Tennessee
McNown or Warner? Who cares. In the pillow fight of the week, I've taken Arizona to cover.

CHICAGO (-1) over Baltimore
I'm not sure why they didn't make the spread three points for this game. The final score is going to be 2-0, so a three point spread would cover the books hind ends. I make fun of the anemic offenses in the game to tempt the gods. I need Jamal Lewis to have his "he's back" week, but yet I've picked the Bears to cover. If the Cards/Titans game is the pillow fight of the week, then this is the "Cripple Fight!" from South Park.

ATLANTA (-7) over NY Jets
At least Brooks Bollinger had his 15 min, and people outside of Wisconsin heard his name. Vinny is back in town, so the only time Brooks gets from here on out is mop-up time, which he won't get here. Atlanta will win easily, but not by enough to get Vinny out of the game.

We don't bet any money on the picks, just for bragging rights to see who gets more right at years end. Again, I apologize to Bill Simmons for the blatant rip-off. I'm sure I'll hear about how crazy the picks are, but that's half the fun. Let the games begin!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Or the Lack of Power Perhaps

I noticed this awhile back, but never got around to mentioning it.

I've been a pretty big fan of Blogspot, and the free blogging tool they provide. But one thing that sticks out, is their spell-checker that they have built into the system.

"Blog", or any variation of, is NOT in the dictionary. How does that happen? This amuses me.

Behold, the Power of Blogger

Came home from practice tonight.

The street light out in front of my house was back on tonight.

Big thanks to whoever read my blog and got that fixed. Now.... what else should I ask for.......

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

So There's Nothing Left?

If this would get a mention on, the headline would read something like...

"Having solved all other social problems, Wisconsin Legislature drafts bill to ban expiration dates on gift certificates."

So have we really solved everything else? Our law makers have enough time on their hands to deal with this pressing issue now?

The above article is dated from August, but the bill is now coming up for vote. Glad we came to a consensus on that whole pesky property tax freeze, and that we've worked out a solution to pay our teachers enough money. Or that we're doing enough as a state to keep the 440th here in town.

Look, I like the idea of not having an expiration date on gift certificates. But I don't think my lawmakers should be wasting their time making it illegal for the Home Depot to not honor a GC that some schmuck left in his wallet for 3 years. If you can't come up with something to buy from a place in say, a years time, then too bad for you. I'm sure the accountants are gonna love this one... "Oh, here's my GC from five years ago, when you guys were owned by someone else. I wanna buy this socket set."

And while you're at it my hard working lawmakers... the street light out in front of my house hasn't been working for a week, can you do something about that? Thanks, I know you're busy and all solving all the real problems that citizens of our state have.

Turkey For You.... Turkey For Me

If I ever get hit in the face by a turkey, I am NOT going to be anything like Victoria Ruvolo. If you haven't heard, Mrs. Ruvolo was driving her car one night, with a passenger in the car, in Suffolk County in the state of New York. A car driving the opposite direction with several teenagers in the car decided to hurl a 20 pound frozen turkey out their window, and towards Mrs. Ruvolo's car. The turkey smashed through the windshield, hitting her in the face, shattering EVERY bone in her skull. She lost control of the car ( you think? ), and the passenger grabbed the wheel, and while the car most assuredly crashed, it would have been worse if not for the passenger.

The kids did NOT stop to help, nor call 911. They fled, and were caught shortly there after. They had broken into a car and stolen a credit card, which was used to purchase copious amounts of groceries, including the turkey. Store surveillance is what led to their arrest.

This happened last November. Mrs. Ruvolo was in a coma for a while, and by the grace of God, is now recovering. The kid, Ryan Cushing, 17, was charged with a whole array of crimes. His trial just wrapped up this week.

He had a possible 25 year sentence for throwing the turkey. His sentence?

Six months.

The prosecutors wanted a much longer sentence, but were moved when Mrs. Ruvolo asked for leniency. She pleaded to the judge that Cushing only receive the minimum sentence.

That's some forgiveness. She initially spent five weeks in the hospital, and has undergone numerous surgeries. She had never met Cushing until the day of the sentencing. She hugged him, and told him that she loved him, and that he should, 'make the best of his life'.


This kid better go on to cure cancer or something. The other kids involved in the day's activities will probably receive longer sentences than Cushing got. They're up for a litany of charges that include things such as; forgery, larceny ( both are felonies ), and felony criminal possession.

I am impressed with Ruvolo's compassion, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have had the same compassion myself. It's a very long time before your life gets back to normal after a trauma and injuries like that. I don't know that I'd be okay with the kid's life being back to normal before mine was.

Cushing should have to spend the rest of his life with Ruvolo's picture taped to his forehead - to help remind him how precious life is - both hers, and his own.

Everybody Says It

But, man, I'm getting old.

And it's weird too, because I'm not really getting old. I'm only 28 for cryin' out loud. I plan on living for a VERY long time. But I feel like I'm getting old.

I had a headache last week for the first time in, well, forever. I just don't get headaches. I'll get the flu, or a cold, but no headaches. My family always thought it was weird when I was growing up, but my brain never hurt. I'd get knocked around alot playing QB for the Traveling Circus, but that kinda headache is different. But last week, it felt like someone stabbed a Jeopardy buzzer behind my eyes and kept pushing the button.

"I'll take 'The Rapists' for $200 Alex."
"......... that 'therapists' Sean, not 'The Rapists."

And maybe it's just been quite sometime since I received a royal beatdown at QB, but I felt like a cripple getting up this morning. I had only one "ouch" play on Saturday ( as opposed to the 20-30 'ouch' plays that happened behind the Circus offensive line ). I was playing free safety, and went up for a ball, and came down ass-over-tea kettle on my back. Sunday it was a little sore, but today, my neck and shoulders are killing me. This is the kinda thing that never used to linger through the week.

Does it get worse every year? Or did I just kinda go through a threshold as I approach 30? I can still run as fast, and am as strong as normal - so when does that stuff start to fade away? When do I get too old to have to stop playing Playstation? Am I going to get too old for this blogging craze? Am I going to have to switch from beer to Brandy Old Fashions pretty soon? Am I going to have to stop making SNL references? I've already started listening to AM Talkradio everyonce and awhile, when do I have to stop listening to FM altogether?? I'm like the third oldest guy on my team, can I still hang out with them? I thought you were supposed to have less questions about life as you get older......

Great, now I'm going to lay awake all night wrestling with these questions. That is if I don't have to get up to pee every hour.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Speaking In Tongues

I was never very good at foreign languages. I took French in high school, and at the time, I could speak it pretty well, but writing it out was not a strength of mine. Alot of the endings sounded the same, even though when spelled out meant different things. So if you say "Vous Allez" it means one thing, but if you say "Vous Alle", it sounds the same but means something different. I never quite got it.

But one thing I've been able to pick up, is play calling. Strong Right, Stack Right, Fake 34, 366, X dig. That makes sense. Double Tight Right, Fox 70 Base. Ram H Gun, 34 oh2. No problem. I can speak it, I can write it, and I can even tell you where everyone goes. Piece of cake for me.

Now, I can understand why the playcalls make sense, and French does not. While French is a language, and playcalling is 'sortof' a language, that's the extent of the similarities there. But there's another language that I don't get. Programming. I have several issues with this. Here's an example of some programming code that we're going to use in class ( I've been working ahead ):

//set the _y property of the image instance
on (release) {
setProperty(image, _y, getProperty(image, _y)-27.5);
//declare the values of the two dynamic text fields. Use the math.floor method to return a whole number in the text field.
xv = Math.floor (getProperty(image, _x)*0.9);
yv = Math.floor (get Property(image, _y)*0.9);
//use conditional (if) statement to define the collision parameters. If the image hits the bounding box instance, the second frame of the collision movie clip plays. This repeats through all six instances.
if (_root.image.hitTest(_root.bounding)) {
if (_root.image.hitTest(_root.bounding2)) {

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? That's a language? Here's what I understand so far. The double slashes indicate that you are entering in comments, so those lines are NOT interpreted by the processor. They're just there so that yourself or other people can see what you're trying to do with a block of code. I understand that they space it out funny like that, so you can identify separate commands of code.

But the processors don't look at it all formatted like that. It's just one continuous line of code to them. So how do the processors know where your "comments" end??? And what's with the squiggly boxes?? You have to press the shift key to get them on the screen, so that's kinda annoying, when the regular brackets are right there for you. And what's with the sometimes capital letters?? gotoAndPlay??? Why not just gotoandplay? And, why lay it out all funny like that, with one line just having a closing squiggly bracket? You don't put an opening squiggly bracket on its own line? Why are the closing ones so special???

I've taught myself how to use programs in the past, but how the hell would anyone ever sit down and figure this sh*t out by themselves?? It's not like watching Telemundo and seeing a girl walk into a room, and the guy says, "Hola, burrito suizo, casa mi gato, donde esta la barrio" - and then when she takes her dress off, you kinda figure out what he said. No, this is not like that. And what about the people that come up with this stuff?? How nerdy are they?

Although my professor, no joke, wears a pocket protector. So I'm guessing he's pretty good at knowing why they write the language like that. But so far, I've been more of a visual learner when it comes to programs. If I click on this, and that makes the whole screen blue.... okay got it. But just writing some code down as words, and that will turn into something? Yikes. My brain hurts thinking about it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to try to learn some spanish by watching Telemundo. Maybe that I can figure out. Or at least some chick might take her dress off.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Playa Hater

I've said before that I don't like Duke basketball, the University of Miami football, the Dallas Cowboys, the Lakers, and the Yankees. As I began to follow sports, those were the teams that ALWAYS seemed to win, and enjoyed doing it. They were good, brash teams. They were always the Bane to whomever I was rooting for. So I began to just root for whoever was playing them in hopes that they would lose.

So I guess you could call me a Playa Hater for rooting against them because they were good. I never gave much thought as to what it felt like to be "Hated" against, and quite frankly, I never cared.

But now, the Hitmen are in a situation that seems to be bringing the Playa Haters out of the woodwork. We won yet again this weekend, making us undefeated for the entire regular season. But the vibe from the league, refs, and other teams is a general "F. U." to the Hitmen organization. Like we shouldn't be this good. We're Rodney Dangerfield, we ain't gettin' no respect!

But why the hatin'? We're a class organization. We have home and away jerseys (which is more than some of the teams can say). We bring more fans than anyone else (and most of the fans live out in the boonies). We were the first team (last year) to not have a single player/coach, and went with a coaching staff that didn't suit up. We raise alot of money for our team, and have good community involvement. We play clean, no fights. We're all talented football players in a good situation. So why the hatin'?

And that got me to thinking about the teams I grew up hatin' against. While each team had a couple of bad seeds ( except for the Cowboys, who had ALOT of bad seeds ), I would imagine that most of the players were good guys that happened into really good situations. They didn't do anything to warrant my dislike, other than they won. Alot.

So I guess it came down to some jealousy issues. And perhaps that's what's going on in the IFL. We're a relatively new team, so maybe there's some hatin' going on because we became a success right away. I don't know. But we don't plan on stopping anytime soon, so I guess I should get used to it.

But it's not like we invented anything to get where we are. It's pretty simple. We have a Head Coach that's very organized, and detail oriented. We have position coaches that follow the direction of the Head Coach, and translate that down to the position players. We have athletic players that accept their role on the team. Hell, I've played four different positions this year, and I understand that's my role, and I love it. We play smart football, mostly due to the fact that we're prepared because of our coaches. It's a pretty simple formula. It's not rocket science. Any of the other teams could use the same formula, and they'd win more too.

Quotes from the Playa Hater Ball:
Ice T announcing nominees for 'Playa Hater of the Year', "The nominees are... Buck Nasty. Buck Nasty is nominated for getting his best friend's girlfriend pregnant, then tricking his best friend into raising the little motherfucker. The next nominee is... Pit Bull. Pit Bull is nominated for calling the cops on his drug-dealing neighbors, not because it was the right thing to do, but just 'cause he was jealous of all the money they was makin'. And the final nominee is... Silky Johnston. Silky Johnston is nominated for calling in a bomb threat at the Special Olympics."
Buck Nasty, "Man, you should take that cane, and beat whoever made that suit to death."
Silky Johnston, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go put water in Buck Nasty's Mama's dish."
Ice T, "And the winner of Playa Hater of the year is.......... Silky Johnston!" [Applause] Pit Bull, "Kiss my ass!! Kiss my ass!! I'm the biggest Hater!!"

You know, as long as we're winning, I don't mind gettin' hated on. But I still don't like Duke, Miami, the Lakers, Cowboys, or Yankees any more than I did before.

***UPDATE*** Speaking of Playa Hatin' - I'm trying to get a picture of Silky Johnston on here... and Blogger is being salty about putting pictures up tonight.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Isn't It Still Nap Time?

Holy Jeebus. NBA basketball started up already. We just sat through eight weeks of NBA Finals coverage that ended at the end of July. So now in the first half of October, we're back at it again? Two months off?

I'm sure the die-hards love it, but c'mon. The season is extended enough, not to mention the playoffs - which seem like they start in February, and don't end till almost August.

But I'm surprised at the lack of fanfare that encompasses the start of the NBA season. David Stern has a very 'Tags' demeanor about him and his league, but the preseason games are an afterthought on Sportscenter. There's no training camp news reports. It's quite unlike the NFL, where John Clayton and Sean Salisburry argue about who sneezed louder at a mini-camp practice for the Chargers.

But oh well, basketball's back. Now there's just one more sport where Will can lay some imaginary wood every week.

Color By Number

So I've had some fun at the expense of my friends here on the blog, both with words, and a few times with pictures.

So in all fairness, I should not be exempt from the rules I choose to play. So in a preemptive move, I'd like to share a picture of myself with you all. It is a picture from last Sunday, and by accident, it is quite funny. I have posted a pic here before that my friends all thought was funny, but I however, have not seen the total humor of the previous picture.

So there is a small setup to the picture. It is funny by itself, but more humorous, and possibly less degrading if I set it up. The picture, as mentioned, is from last Sunday, during the Hitmen win over the Gladiators. I was playing quarterback, and we had an option play, one where I could keep the ball, or pitch it out to a runningback. I pitched the ball out to the runningback, and he had a sizable gain, as seen in this picture directly below. This is not the funny picture, but keep in mind that I am on the far left in the background. You can see my head and arms underneath the guy in yellow. Again, this is not the funny picture.

So I showed you that photo, to show you another one. This next picture is going to take place mere seconds prior to the one you've just seen. This picture is of me JUST after I've pitched the ball to the runningback you see with the ball above. I pitched the ball, because I made the right read, and kept the ball until just before I was about to get hit. That hit is what you're about to see. The only problem with the next picture, is that it looks NOTHING like what I've described. You do not see the runningback, because he is behind the referee. In this picture, the full brunt of the hit is not yet apparent, so it just looks plain funny. Have a look for yourself.

When you pitch the ball, the opposing arm will naturally point towards the ground, or be at waist level. I have no idea why my other arm ended up down there, and made it look like I was saving the family jewels. I DO wear a cup. And unlike the other picture I mentioned at the very start of this post, I do see the humor in this one. At any other moment in time, this just would have been just another picture. Now, sadly, it might become famous with my friends. Lucky me.

And a P.S. to this post - which actually relates to a previous post. Earlier, I posted about a picture with Will and a server we met years ago. Well, Anonymous disagrees with my argument that the guy has big hands. In fact, he had this to say:

Anonymous said...
His hand isn't all that large once you take into account the angle of the shot.
In looking at how the light falls you can determine correct measurements,
sorry to kill your freak theory but the man's hands aren't any larger
normal given his large frame.

So this sounds like wording only 3 possible people I know on the planet would use. While I appreciate your input, I still disagree with you. I'm sorry you had to use the Anonymous login, I'd love to debate this with you further.

As much as I understand that you decided to read my drivel, I welcome people to comment on what I say. I will respect comments, knowing that you took the time to read what I wrote, so I will return the thought. If you say who you are, I think it could lead to some very interesting discussions.

**END PSA - Return to your regularly scheduled internet surfing. Especially if at work. ***

Tuesday, October 11, 2005


With apologies to my cousin Nick, who's dutifully serving our country in the Air Force stationed in Boston ( and who's heard this phrase prolly one to many times in the last year )....

F*ck the Yankees.

216 million dollars, and they can't get past the first round of the playoffs. Hell, it took them until there was only two games remaining in the season just to know if they were in the playoffs or not. But 216 million? You carry a roster of 25 guys through the season. Over NINE million per player? Wow. I've posted before about the ability of a person to get theirs if the taking is there, but this is f*cking ridiculous. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays had a payroll of 29 million dollars this year. And you know the funny thing? Tampa beat the Evil Empire 11 out of 19 games between the two clubs this year. HA!

At 218 million dollars, they are almost DOUBLE the next highest payroll, that of the Boston Red Sox, who chime in at a measly 123 million dollars. The Yankees have had exponentially higher payrolls than other baseball teams for most of the last decade. And while they've made the postseason seemingly almost every year, they haven't won a championship in the last five. And I hope we go another five with out them winning one. F*ck the Yankees. Hell, I'm okay if they don't ever win another one.

And here's my thing with the Yankees, and moreover, with their fans. Bear in mind, I'm not necessarily talking about Vito from the Bronx, who would club my knees with a rusty sledgehammer for talkin sh*t about his Yanks, but this is about Yankee fans in general. There's always a diehard, and I love those fans. Even the diehard Royals fans. All three of them. But Yankee fans don't give a sh*t about the team deep down. It's New York for christ's sake. LA can't keep a sports team there because there's too many distractions for fans, and the same almost applies for New York. The season ended last night for the Yankees, and no one will mention them around the water coolers in NYC until next August, when they're making another lame push for the playoffs.

They'll yawn when the Yankees offer Mike Koplove 12 million a year to try to fill the void at middle reliever, the position that killed them this year. Who is Mike Koplove you ask? Well, if you have to ask, then he's not really worth 12 million a year for 5 years now is he?

It's a sad, sad, situation in New York, and I'm loving every minute of it. The Brewers spent almost 40 million this year, and played .500 ball. Fans showed up at the park, and things seem to be going in the right direction for the franchise for the first time in my adult life. I can't say I was one of those fans ( this is the first year ever I can remember that I did not attend a Brewer game ). But I realize where my team fits on the totem pole of baseball. If the Brewers spent almost a quarter of a billion dollars on it's payroll for a year, and we didn't win it all - myself and the rest of the fans should rise up and slay the powers that be on the team. At the very least, for that much more money than everyone else, we should win every game by at least 5 runs, and they should expect to get booed if that doesn't happen.

But *Yawn*, New Yorkers have trendy club openings to go to now, and the Macy's day parade to get ready for. They have the mentality that because they're from New York, they deserve the crown, and that makes me want to puke. They're not distraught that the season is over, and that's just pathetic.

FUCK the Yankees.

UNITY!!! Beyotch!!

Charlie Murphy's coming to Milwaukee to do some stand up. By all accounts, he's a pretty funny dude in his acts, but I got to wondering if he wasn't cursed by the cult following Chappelle's Show got.

There's a pretty funny interview here, and it goes to show some of the experiences of being a B-list celebrity.

But I don't know that I'm ever going to look past Charlie as anyone but the guy that beat up Rick James, or played basketball against Prince. Game, Blouses.

He's in part responsible for some of the catch phrases that the first half of this decade ( the 'oughts? ) will be remembered for. When trust fund, rich, frat boys are yelling out, "I'm Rick James Bitch!!" at the WAC when they're done with a set of weights, you know you've saturated the culture.

Even I used it once, but it was a good one. I was in the huddle with my old team as a quarterback, and I was the only white guy in the huddle. One of my teammates pointed out that the only white guy there was in charge of telling all the other black guys what to do. So I said, "That's cuz I'm Rick James Bitch!" - which they actually thought was real funny coming from the skinny white guy.

I wonder how many times a day he has to hear those phrases said back to him. Ugh. What a way to go through the rest of your life. Is it possible that at his show that no one will shout out the Rick James line? Being Eddie Murphy's brother must have brought him into a very strange world, and one that he talks about on tour. It might be a story worth listening to.

But for now, I don't know that Charlie Murphy is going to be anyone other than Buck Nasty to me.

"He's a habitual line stepper."
"I don't know what he's so angry about. I mean c'mon. You know where he got that shirt. And it DAMN sure wasn't the mens department."

Too bad they never made it to season three.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Dropped the Ball

Literally. I dropped a would be interception to end the half of the Hitmen game today. Oh well. Good game overall, we clobbered 'em. Defense WAY outscored the offense, and I played alot more on defense than I did on offense.

But I caused some confusion on offense, because the center isn't used to my cadence at the line. We normally say: "Down. 18, 29, 18, 29. Set. Hut" The numbers are any two numbers repeated like that. But we ran one play on a "Set" snap count. Shane expected me to say "Down, number number, THEN set" - but instead, I just said, "Down, SET!" - and he wasn't ready. He was aggravated at the other team, and snapped at me. He apologized profusely to me, but I think I should still take him some flowers to practice to cheer him up.

But other than that, it was a usual busy weekend. Nothing exciting really happened, but something did happen on Saturday night in my sleep that I found very humorous, and I'll share with you.

I went to bed pretty early on Sat. night, and was sleeping in bunches ( sleep, wake up for 10 min, etc ). When I was sleeping, I was zonked, but I just kinda keep remembering that I was waking up alot, and it was still really dark. At one point, I woke up pretty suddenly, and I cannot remember what I was dreaming about, but as suddenly as I awoke, I was still kinda groggy.

So for whatever reason, in addition to waking up, I decided that I needed to sit up, and pretty quickly at that. But not just sit up, I had to scoot back when I did it. You know, like where you're laying down, and you sit up, but you put your hands out to the side, and lift you butt up, and slide it back, as if to be able to lean up against something? Well, I did just that. I have no idea why.

But the problem was, Robyn was laying RIGHT next to me, sound asleep. And when my body decided to 'scoot' back, I put my hands out and pushed down on the bed to do what I described above. Well, my right hand landed straight on top of her face, and I pushed her whole head down into the pillows. And I mean, like pushed. And even though I have a small recollection of realizing it was someone's head I was squashing, I didn't let up. I was still half asleep. She yelled something at me, and I incoherently said something back. And then I thought I should go back to sleep, and the adventure was over.

But I woke up today with the hazy recollection of that, and maybe you had to be there, but I couldn't stop laughing at the thought. I'm skinny, but I'm tipping the scales at 210, and I can only imagine what would have went through her head when I put most of my weight on her head like that. She says today that she doesn't really remember it much, other than I woke her up. She's even more of a sound sleeper than I am.

Yeah, after reading that, I guess you would have had to seen it to get the humor out of it that I did. But it's off to bed now, so if I kick her ass anymore tonight, you'll all get to read about it tomorrow. Lucky you.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

There ARE Better Pics, Just Not Here

Will reposted the picture I made of him with the unfortunate t-shirt on his blog, and he wondered where we got that picture of his head. He was a little disappointed because he feels that there are much better pictures of him out there.

And I'm sure that there are, I just don't have any of them.

I do have one that also bears sharing with the masses. A couple of years ago, a bunch of us had gone out to BW3's for something to eat. I forget why, but there was a bunch of us. Through the course of our time there, a server started to take a liking to Will. This server kept looking over at him, and when the server came to the table, would make a point to stand behind him and place a hand on Will's shoulder.

Normally, that would be pretty cool, but Will wasn't a big fan of this happening. This photo might help explain why ( and I apologize for the quality, it was a camera phone ):

This guy really took a liking to Will. And this server was out there. Like on fire out there. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Somehow ( and I prolly blocked out how it did ), but it came up in discussion that the server was pretty flexible. Will tried to agree, and in a flash, the server dropped to the floor doing the splits right behind Will's chair. Had the table in fits of laughter. Will was a good enough sport to have his picture taken with the guy.

And I'm not sure how this didn't strike me until now - but look at the meathooks on that guy!!! Neither of them are tiny guys, but oh my GOD!! His hands are bigger than Will's head!!! I can't get over that. How did we not notice that sitting at the table??? Look at the guy's fingers around Will's shoulder, then look at Will's fingers at the top of the server's shoulder. WTF? Why is this guy a server at BW3's?? Isn't there some sport where the only requirements are to have hands the size of a small child? This guy would clean house! I mean, I know that helps in his job (being able to hold 16 beer mugs by the bottom in one hand is helpful ), but OH MY GOD. Look at his hand!! His fingers are as big as Will's whole face!!! Run for your lives children!! That's just plain freaky!

Friday, October 07, 2005

Mmmmm. Steak.

Even though I was playing shorthanded, I still managed to beat Nort last week, and cashed in on the bet earlier today. The prize was a steak at Boulder Junction. Now, there weren't any kids that were acting like my Walgreens adventure, but there sure were a lot of freakin' kids at the Boulder on Friday.

Yes, I know it's a Friday, and people like to go out and eat on Fridays... but gimme a break. It's a halfway nice place. Can get crowded REAL quick. It's not a place that's targeting to kids ( or parents with kids ) - so parents - go eat with your kids at places like this Monday thru Thursdays, and let the adults enjoy our meals on the weekends.

Nort also informed me that there was NO way I was going to get him to try some calamari. If it's not pizza, steak, lasagna, or chicken, he won't touch it. This is the same guy that will try just about any kind of beer that you put infront of him, but WILL NOT try a piece of fish, some salad, or calamari.

But he's not as bad as a guy I knew from Oshkosh. Jason came down to Milwaukee for Summerfest and a Dave Matthews Concert a few years back. After the concert, we were roaming the grounds, and that year, Bartolotta's had a food place there. So calamari being a fav of mine, I went to go order a couple of baskets. Seeing me and others chow down on it, he asked what it was. We told him to try it before we told him. He agreed, and loved it. Suggested that we should get some more. We then told him that calamari is Italian for squid.

I thought he was going to throw up right there. He couldn't get pieces out of his mouth fast enough. Wouldn't touch another piece. Nevermind the fact that he just ate about a whole basket by himself, and loved every bite, now he hated the stuff. I have never to this day understood that.

And I can respect Nort for being a picky eater ( I used to be one ) - but how does the logic differ from the beer to the food? If you're willing to try all kinds of beer, hoping you'll find one you really like, why is food any different? I guess I'll never understand that one either.

Excellent Thought

Nick has a great posting which you can find here.

It's an interesting look at the difference the media took in covering the possible threat to the subway bombings, and the actual bombing at the Oklahoma football game last week. Actual bombing, you ask? Why yes, there was one, but it didn't register much more than a blip on the national scope. Nick has an interesting take on it, so I suggest you go read it.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

It Is Time...

I've been sitting on this for a little while now, so if I'm going to share this with you, then I guess there's no time like the present.

A little while back, a dude got pulled over for speeding, and was subsequently arrested when the officer found an open intoxicant in the car. This guy became famous on the internet for his wardrobe choice on that fateful day.

If you would have explained to me the clothing choice, only one name would spring to mind as to who karma would play such an evil trick on. But alas, it didn't happen to Will.

But through the power of Photoshop, I can show you all what the booking photo would have looked like if it had happened to Will instead of that poor dude.


Got up this morning to move the car, help Robyn get some stuff in her car for her mini-trip, and HOLY SHIAT. It was cold.

Yesterday it was warm.

It was like in the 80's yesterday, and today the high is going to be in the high 50's. WTF? I know it's Wisconsin weather and all, and after 28 years I should be used to it, but ugh. Those that know me, know I hate cold weather. Lee, if you're reading this... I don't even want to hear it. You're a bitch. ;)

I came across another blog last night with the person complaining it was cold where they were. He was bitchin' cuz it was going to drop into the low 70's by him. I'd like to give that guy a digital wedgie if there was a way.

Safety Tips

I have no topic of relative importance today, so here's some random thoughts that are keepin' me up:
  • Hockey's back. Yawn. Although they did change the rules to make it more exciting. They may have made the worst decision ever by closing down last season, but at least they got something right by opening up the game. By the way, the Blue Jackets are 0-1. Yes, the Blue Jackets. You get a cookie if you know what city they're from. How can you have a team called the Blue Jackets?!?!? That's why nobody except Nort follows that stuff.
  • Tom Cruise got Katie (or Kate, or Kady, or Katy or whatEVER the hell it is) Holmes pregnant. If anyone actually cares about that, please step forward so that I might poke you between the eyes with a rusty screwdriver.
  • On another related note of celebrities - It's rumored that Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are calling it quits. Upon seeing this news on the magazine stand, the two 15 yr old boys in line behind me at the store proclaimed, "Sweet, now that she's single, I'd bang her!!" - Yeah, cuz I'm sure she has a thing for boys that can't grow facial hair yet. Plus, you're 15, you'd prolly bang Mimi from the Drew Carey show if you didn't have to tell your friends about it.
  • Speaking of 15 yr olds, Michelle Wie turned pro today. She reportedly signed endorsement deals with Nike and Sony that will pay her about 10 million dollars a year. She's 15!! I don't care if she can drive the ball twice as far as Will can ( or twice as straight for that matter ) - she's 15!! Makes me wonder for every Michelle Wie, LeBron James, and the Williams sisters, how many kids wake up every day and want to beat the hell out of their parents for pushing them into a sport?
  • Milwaukee might have to shut out new cases from the Small Claims court. This means that if your neighbor cuts down a tree and wrecks part of your garage, there's hardly any legal recourse you have to make him pay the damages. Nah, I don't see any problems with this idea the County has to try to save some money. Now, where's my baseball bat? I've got my eye on some mailboxes....
  • A train clipped a pickup truck blocks away from where I grew up. Scary to think about, but WTF was the guy thinking? If you know the area, you'll wonder how the guy could not have maneuvered his truck out of the way. Yowza.
  • The Blue Jackets are from Columbus, Ohio. Cuz when I think of Columbus, I think of the color blue. Prolly pissing off a lot of Buckeye fans.

That's all for now, my loyal minions. I'll have some good stuff for Thursday (pictures?).

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


Today's Iron Photoshop Ingredient : Numbers

There are some very clever entries here - but this is all I could come up with.
Sad to say, it took much more time that I had planned on. You can click on the picture to get a bigger version.

That Don't Confront Me, Long As I Get My Money Next Friday

Well, maybe they're not as stupid as the score indicates. Regarding my last post, Michigan State has the second lowest WPT scores of colleges that qualified for the report. (you had to have had at least seven players take the test in the last 10 years) Michigan State comes in just a nose above the University of Miami, with MSU having an average score of 16.6. They also had the lowest graduation rate of any of the 38 schools on the list, with 41% of students graduating within six years of enrolling as freshmen.

But there's one MSU alum ( can you say that if they didn't graduate? ) that was smart enough to beat the system. He's earned over 16.5 MILLION dollars for ten days worth of work. So, yeah. Maybe it having smarts has nothing to do with it, but it helps being 6'5", and able to run a 4.4.

Charles Rogers left MSU after his junior year to go to the NFL as a wide receiver. He was drafted second overall by the Detroit Lions in 2003, and signed a contract that included a 9.1 million dollar signing bonus. He was paid a base salary of 975,000 for 2003 ( plus the bonus ), and earned a 1.2 million dollar salary for 2004. His second year also saw an "option bonus" for 5.3 million dollars. An option bonus is a salary cap term - it's just like the signing bonus, but is more salary cap friendly than the 'signing bonus'. The 2005 salary figures haven't been released yet, so that's why I left it at "earned over 16.5".

So if he signed in 2003, how do you figure only 10 days of work you ask? Well, his first two years, he missed a combined 26 games due to two broken clavicles. He only appeared in 6 games. This year, he has actually appeared in all four games so far this year. He was just busted for violating the substance abuse program in the NFL, so he will miss the next 4 games. He will keep getting paid though.

So if you're scoring at home ( or even if you're alone ), that's at least 1.6 million dollars per game for his career so far. He has a grand total of three touchdown catches, costing the Lions a mere 5.5 million per TD.

Prior to getting busted for the substance abuse, he was complaining to the media about his role with the team. The Lions spent the next two years first round picks on wide receivers. Rodgers was upset that the team didn't throw to him until late in the fourth quarter. He was quoted as saying something to the effect of 'well, I don't see them making an effort to give me a role here. maybe my time here is over'.

HEY DONKEY.... Maybe if you weren't made of glass the Lions could have figured out what to do with you by now. Maybe if you woulda stayed awake for even ONE class in college, you would have learned that drugs are bad, and that the NFL will catch you. They're the modern day mob dude. You don't cross the Don. Plus you freakin wet cardboard sally bitch...... you've made 16.5 million dollars in the last two and a half years!!!!!!! Shut your pie hole, put down the steroid needle (or crack needle), and do your job.

But he sure got his money. You didn't hear him bitching when he came into work every week and got his check. But he certainly didn't look any smarter by opening his mouth.

( funny side note about NFL checks.... the NFL collective bargaining agreement mandates that teams get one day off per week during the season. All the teams use Tuesday as the off day. But all teams pay their players every Tuesday. So this way, the players have to come to the team facility to get their check ( or physically sign off on a 'direct deposit' ). The teams figure as long as they come out to get the check, they might as well work out while they're there on their off day. Genius was the owner that had that logic )

Didn't They At Least Pretend They Went To College?

The Pack gave it a good try in the second half, but it wasn't good enough. At least we're a quarter a way done with the train wreck that will be this season.

But that's not the main discussion of this post. It was noted on Ben Maller's website that the Packers have the lowest average Wonderlic score of any NFL team. They came in to this season with an average score of 19.1 out of a possible 50. You get one point for each correct answer, and the questions start off easy, and get harder as you go along.

For those of you that aren't familiar, the Wonderlic (or Wonderlic Personnel Test) is a 12 minute, 50 question test. It is used by thousands of companies to test potential new hires, and the NFL has used it as it's standard test for decades. Every potential player will take the test prior to the draft, and it is a mandatory exam for everyone attending the predraft combine. The questions range from logic, to math, and visual questions ( pattern recognition ).

The average for the NFL is 19, compared to a national average of 21. A score of 20 can pretty much be equated to an IQ of 100. It's a bell curve type score, so a 10 (minimal literacy) would not necessarily equate to a 50 IQ, and a WPT score of 50 doesn't mean an IQ of 250. Only one player in the NFL ever scored a 50, a punter from Harvard. In the general populous, only 1 in 100,000 ever score a 50.

Positions tend to grade out in categories. Offensive linemen tend to grade the highest (26), followed by quarterbacks(24), followed by safeties(19). Fullbacks at 17, and tailbacks round out the list at a lowly 16. Brett Favre scored a 22, while Brian Griese scored a 39. You can see how their careers worked out so far. Dan Marino only scored a 16.

Average scores for various professions; Chemists 31, Programmers 29, Sales 24, Bank Teller 22, Security Guard (non police) 17, Warehouse 15.

Now, I know that athletes (especially the ones on track to make millions of dollars for the University) are given special treatment, but c'mon. Even if you sleep through every class, won't you absorb at least a little something?? The NFL requires that you play college ball for at least 3 years before turning pro. Three years of classes, even with minimal participation should get you a higher score than your local warehouse worker. (nothing against manual labor - just trying to illustrate a point).

Those playbooks are THICK - and there's hundred of adjustments. If you have the brain capacity to master that, you should be able to master basic math. If you can recognize a pattern in the offense ( say, every time they line up in the "I" formation, they run ), how can you not tell that after an arrow points up, then right, then down, that the next one should point left?

Other tidbits:
Stanford has the highest average score for incoming football players at 28.8
Wisconsin has the second highest Big Ten score behind Purdue with UW at 23.7
The "U" ( otherwise known as University of Miami, FL) comes in with a whopping 16.3

But hey, when you weigh 265lbs, and can run a 4.4 forty yard dash, most people won't make fun of you for scoring at a ninth grade level when you're 21 years old. Even if you did sleep through 3 years of college.

I Have Proof!!!

Right now, as we speak, there is a photo being developed at Walgreens.

Of Nort dancing.

I'll repeat that for those of you that might have just spilled coffee on their keyboards.

Nort. Dancing.

He busted a move at 'Nessa and Skip's wedding on Sunday. It was imperceptible to the untrained eye, but Nort did the chicken dance. I haven't seen the picture yet, and it may look like he's just standing there.... but I SWEAR he danced. A little.

"Mikey done all grows up!! Our baby done all grows up!!"

Nort was like a big f*cking bear on Sunday. He had these big claws, and these big fangs, and the bridesmaids were like little bunnies, and he was just pokin' em. He wasn't hurting them, just gently batting them around. Can you tell I just watched "Swingers"?

Good times abound at the wedding. Pretty cool bubble theme during the ceremony, which was quite short and to the point. But I'll get the pictures up when we get them back. The boys looked pretty good in the tuxes. Even when they weren't dancing.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Busy Weekend

Well, from what I can gather from the blogging community, it seems to run much like the business world. Lotsa blogs M-F, not so much bloggin' going on during the weekends. And alas, I am guilty of that as well this weekend.

But a busy one it was. Two weddings and a game. I'll go into more details later, but it was fun all around. We trounced them in the game, and both weddings were good times.

"Know What I Mean" would also like to wish Skippy and 'Nessa well, as they start their new life. They're going to start it out of town this week, so they won't read that message for a while.

On a final note - Nort will be buying me a steak dinner this week. "Know What I Mean" implores you to ask him why that is.